This hits! Our human nature and societal pressures can really force us out of this type of ease. We are all conditioned to believe the outcome is more valuable than the process. That the process should have a timeline.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve beat myself up over the length of time it takes to complete something, when I continually start and don’t finish, or when I simply change my mind countless times. What a powerful word.
Wish the 'sunk cost' fallacy was taught in high school. Along with permission to change course as needed. Sometimes people get stuck for years trying to make something work, instead of moving on to what's really right for them.
Thank you for writing this as it serves as confirmation for the the new direction I have taken.
I struggled to start because I thought people won't listen, read or watch this time because I didn't finish the other 3 projects. But those weren't right, and I had to let them go and start this.
The fear of being judged fuels the fear of letting go.
Love this, and thank you for this perspective! Life, and our experience of it, was never meant to be completely linear. We've been conditioned to think otherwise, much to our detriment.
I’m glad I came across this as I’ve felt that I really should be finishing my various explorations in mixed media. Perhaps it goes back to childhood (I smiled at ‘finish your meal’). Somehow we equate finishing with being good. Thank you for the perspective.
This was so beautifully put and so so needed. I think that pressure has been exponentially increasing on all of us these days. The pressure to be the best at your job. The pressure to show up even though you feel like staying in. The pressure to eat well, sleep well, and what not.
It is so so important to pace ourselves through these expectations. And take a breather whenever we wish to.
Ah, yes. We want to see our investments pay off. But when the return isn’t there, any financial expert would advise us to put our pennies somewhere else. Every time. That’s wisdom, not failure.
I completely resonate with this and totally have a hard time not finishing things I start. Or, I often struggle to take action on things that I know will be long-term projects with no clear end in sight - no matter how exciting and positive the thing might be. I've been meaning to finish the paint-by-number I started last summer when I had so much free time on my hands and totally abandoned when I began grad school. BUT you've shifted my perspective on it...I think I can just let it be unfinished and let that be absolutely okay. Maybe I should display it unfinished as a reminder to just let things be what they are and land where they land! Thanks for sharing :)
I'm rushing to get to my emotional stability , accepting myself as a priority,and happiness. I keep pressuring myself to be stable in my emotional happiness by age 35 (i have 2 years to go after this Oct). I have this vision of my happiness in my mind but forget that i (1) have forever to have true inner peace and pure happiness eternally. (2) I haven't stopped to acknowledge that I'm doing the work to be what I've envisioned for myself. And that work is small bite sized achievements along the way ,but I feel happier when I achieve the smaller goals versus tackling everything at once that gives me anxiety. I forget to pat myself on the back for what I am doing rushing on to the next responsibilities and tasks to make me feel accomplished. I catch myself constantly reassuring myself that I did all tasks for the day especially when I feel guilty for resting mid-day or watching TV to wind down.
Unfinished tasks actually have a positive benefit - the Zeigarnik effect. Over a hundred years ago, a Russian psychologist named Bluma Zeigarnik showed by her research studies that interrupted tasks are remembered better than completed ones; this is now known, eponymously, as the Zeigarnik effect.
I have quite a few Substack posts that are not finished, ideas for new ventures not ready, a huge pile of half-finished books and ideas for pottery - Thankyou for the reminder I do not need to finish them all. That is genuinely ok to be part way through everything.
I love this reminder today and so agree! Nothing is a waste of time, it is all a learning experience. Through the process of doing, through the process of leaving, through the process of creating. There is value in all of it. So often the value is unclear at the time and we might beat ourselves up a bit for it, but by giving ourselves grace, through time and perspective value eventually becomes clear.
Wow, something I didn't know I desperately needed to hear today.
This was my life for the past few years. Feeling so disappointed in myself, judging myself, feeling shame because I constantly feel like I don't finish things. Things I WANT to finish. I struggle with self forgiveness and giving myself the grace to go back to things I didn't finish. I always feel I have to push myself to "get on" with my life, but this writing today has given me a new perspective and some breathing room for myself mentally and emotionally. I feel both seen and heard by your piece.
I am in therapy and have started a new exercise/reading routine recently, changed my diet, and picked up some older hobbies, so I am making progress in building healthier habits and relationships and generally feeling much better mentally and physically. Reading your writings always helps. Thank you for sharing. 💜
This hits! Our human nature and societal pressures can really force us out of this type of ease. We are all conditioned to believe the outcome is more valuable than the process. That the process should have a timeline.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve beat myself up over the length of time it takes to complete something, when I continually start and don’t finish, or when I simply change my mind countless times. What a powerful word.
I’ve recently learned we miss a lot in life because we don't know when to quit, what to leave out.
Wish the 'sunk cost' fallacy was taught in high school. Along with permission to change course as needed. Sometimes people get stuck for years trying to make something work, instead of moving on to what's really right for them.
Thank you for writing this as it serves as confirmation for the the new direction I have taken.
I struggled to start because I thought people won't listen, read or watch this time because I didn't finish the other 3 projects. But those weren't right, and I had to let them go and start this.
The fear of being judged fuels the fear of letting go.
Love this, and thank you for this perspective! Life, and our experience of it, was never meant to be completely linear. We've been conditioned to think otherwise, much to our detriment.
I’m glad I came across this as I’ve felt that I really should be finishing my various explorations in mixed media. Perhaps it goes back to childhood (I smiled at ‘finish your meal’). Somehow we equate finishing with being good. Thank you for the perspective.
The best thing I have read in a while.
This was so beautifully put and so so needed. I think that pressure has been exponentially increasing on all of us these days. The pressure to be the best at your job. The pressure to show up even though you feel like staying in. The pressure to eat well, sleep well, and what not.
It is so so important to pace ourselves through these expectations. And take a breather whenever we wish to.
Ah, yes. We want to see our investments pay off. But when the return isn’t there, any financial expert would advise us to put our pennies somewhere else. Every time. That’s wisdom, not failure.
I felt my body soften while reading this...
The parts of me that feel hurried and like I'm not doing enough needed these reminders and wisdom. Thank you.
I completely resonate with this and totally have a hard time not finishing things I start. Or, I often struggle to take action on things that I know will be long-term projects with no clear end in sight - no matter how exciting and positive the thing might be. I've been meaning to finish the paint-by-number I started last summer when I had so much free time on my hands and totally abandoned when I began grad school. BUT you've shifted my perspective on it...I think I can just let it be unfinished and let that be absolutely okay. Maybe I should display it unfinished as a reminder to just let things be what they are and land where they land! Thanks for sharing :)
I'm rushing to get to my emotional stability , accepting myself as a priority,and happiness. I keep pressuring myself to be stable in my emotional happiness by age 35 (i have 2 years to go after this Oct). I have this vision of my happiness in my mind but forget that i (1) have forever to have true inner peace and pure happiness eternally. (2) I haven't stopped to acknowledge that I'm doing the work to be what I've envisioned for myself. And that work is small bite sized achievements along the way ,but I feel happier when I achieve the smaller goals versus tackling everything at once that gives me anxiety. I forget to pat myself on the back for what I am doing rushing on to the next responsibilities and tasks to make me feel accomplished. I catch myself constantly reassuring myself that I did all tasks for the day especially when I feel guilty for resting mid-day or watching TV to wind down.
Unfinished tasks actually have a positive benefit - the Zeigarnik effect. Over a hundred years ago, a Russian psychologist named Bluma Zeigarnik showed by her research studies that interrupted tasks are remembered better than completed ones; this is now known, eponymously, as the Zeigarnik effect.
I have quite a few Substack posts that are not finished, ideas for new ventures not ready, a huge pile of half-finished books and ideas for pottery - Thankyou for the reminder I do not need to finish them all. That is genuinely ok to be part way through everything.
so good
so darn good
I love this reminder today and so agree! Nothing is a waste of time, it is all a learning experience. Through the process of doing, through the process of leaving, through the process of creating. There is value in all of it. So often the value is unclear at the time and we might beat ourselves up a bit for it, but by giving ourselves grace, through time and perspective value eventually becomes clear.
Wow, something I didn't know I desperately needed to hear today.
This was my life for the past few years. Feeling so disappointed in myself, judging myself, feeling shame because I constantly feel like I don't finish things. Things I WANT to finish. I struggle with self forgiveness and giving myself the grace to go back to things I didn't finish. I always feel I have to push myself to "get on" with my life, but this writing today has given me a new perspective and some breathing room for myself mentally and emotionally. I feel both seen and heard by your piece.
I am in therapy and have started a new exercise/reading routine recently, changed my diet, and picked up some older hobbies, so I am making progress in building healthier habits and relationships and generally feeling much better mentally and physically. Reading your writings always helps. Thank you for sharing. 💜