You Don’t Have to Finish Everything You Start

Giving ourselves the grace to take our time and begin again when we need to

Sometimes when my clients realize that they’ve been in a scenario that’s not good for them they say, “I don’t want to stop doing it because I feel like I will have lost time.” When they say this, I share with them that I don’t believe time is lost until we’re aware of a situation that isn’t working for us. That’s when the clock starts. 

Set Boundaries, Find Peace is 3 years old.

When we’re in a bad job or a relationship that we want to end, we don’t need to put so much focus on how much time we lost. We need to allow ourselves the grace to begin again. We deserve that. We get so caught up with the thought of wasting time that we will continue on with something that isn’t right for us.

That fear of losing time also causes us to rush through our lives. Because we spend twelve hours on a painting, we want it to be something, but in reality it’s just not what we wanted it to be. It’s ok to start over, but we have this obsession with finishing stuff. Finish your food. Finish your project. Finish doing the dishes. Sometimes dishes need to soak. Sometimes food needs to be carried out or left on the plate. Sometimes there is work that will forever be in progress. 

As of today, I have 4,200 notes on my phone. At least half of them are works in progress – some thought I had that hasn’t come to fruition. Sometimes I’ll go back to a note and I won’t even know what I was trying to say. Other times I’ll open a note and I’ll add one line and it’ll end up being that day’s content. Everything doesn’t have to be finished immediately. Some things take more time than others. 

Some of the things we want to do with our lives require that we be in a certain place before we can do them. There are books we can’t write without having had certain experiences. I remember when I was a new therapist and I worked with couples, I felt like I hadn’t had enough relationship and marriage experience myself to do that work. That’s not necessarily true, but that’s how I felt at the time. Now, I feel like I’m in a better space to say certain things because I have the experience. 

This idea that we have to finish and move on to the next thing or we’re wasting or losing time is not always true. Sometimes we just need to pace ourselves. Sometimes it’s a matter of how far I can get. For example, when I’m cleaning my house do I need to finish cleaning my house now or do I want to clean my house for one hour? I may decide to clean for one hour because that feels possible and easeful for me. If the goal is to finish cleaning the entire house, I’m going to need a week off of work. That’s a lot. 

There are times I don’t even finish a single TV episode or movie in one sitting. Sometimes it’s just too long, and other times there’s so much going on that I feel the need to sit with part of it before moving on to the next portion. So I may watch half in the morning and half in the evening. 

Some things that encourage us to take our time and be thoughtful are:

• Reading a book

I love the ease of reading a book. Sometimes I set a goal of reading just one or two pages in a day. I am not in a hurry. Some books aren’t meant to be devoured. I think it was Toni Morrison who said that about her books. She didn’t want people reading them all fast. She wanted us to take our time with her books. There are times when we need to really sit with the material and think about it. 

• Going to the museum

When we’re in a museum, the point isn’t to finish or rush to get to the end of the exhibit. We want to look at all the pieces and really notice the choices the artist made and how the art makes us feel. 

• Burning a candle

I have a candle on my desk and I’ve been burning this candle for about three days. It might take me two weeks to get through it, and it’s not a big candle. I don’t leave it going all day. I’m not trying to finish the candle. I’m in no hurry. I’m just trying to get a little bit of aromatherapy while I’m working.  

• Gardening

We can not force our plants to grow faster. We cannot will them to bear fruit before they’re ready. Plants are the ultimate lesson in letting things take their time. 

Some things in life happen quickly or require immediate action, but when you’re able, give yourself time. 

Journal Prompt

• What are you still holding onto because you feel like letting it go means you wasted your time?

• What are you rushing that could use more time?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• 10 Sleep Experts on What to Do When You Can’t Sleep At Night, by Jessica Brown and The Cut, in The Cut.

• The Many Lives of Martha Stewart. You can watch this CNN Original Series on Max or wherever you stream shows.

• Soulection Radio on Apple Music. I find myself returning to this station over and over again. It’s a great mix!