Oh my goodness, this is perfect timing. Thank you. I just posted a photo of my art that's in an exhibit right now- one of my collectors chimed in in the comments to say "I like the painting I have better than any of these!" ha!
(Granted, she's in her 80's and has always been a little wacky anyway, but still. So funny and unnecessary!)
I appreciated learning more abt the ways in which we can unintentionally repel ppl. Do u have insight / ideas on better ways to let someone know u want to connect with them when u haven’t done so in a while?
Thanks for the reminder; I've always been the blunt one among my friends, telling them exactly how I feel; however, sometimes I realise it is just unnecessary mean comments inspired by my thoughts of what I think one should or shouldn't do when after all, it's their life. I don't want anyone dictating how I should live my life.
Great reminder. Think about your words, the place they're coming from, and the intention.
ALL OF THIS!!!! Bless you for the creation of this post and the wonderful honesty and mindfulness of others that you share! SO GOOD! Many blessings and MUCH LOVE, ~Wendy💜🙌🤗
I have learned over the years not to take things personally. We can't control what others say to us but we can control how we respond. If it's such a big issue we should be able to confront others with grace and truth.
Interesting article although I feel it unfortunately doesn’t address another perspective, which is the need at times for honest conversation, even if uncomfortable, . For example, I feel your uncle was trying to communicate his disappoint / needs ( albeit in a clumsy way) but was brushed off by your somewhat glib comment 😟.
A kinder ,deeper understanding and connection could have been made at that moment if you had calmly communicated your needs / loving boundaries etc rather than the sharper defensive push backs that we all too often jump to. These defences ultimately waste the opportunity for genuine growth in relationships 😔 including the inner relationship with ourselves.
Yesterday I was told" you don't call ,text etc. And I have to ask so &so if you're okay then I know you're alright." I raid that's not true because I text back, call and show up in person so I don't want to hear that." Then she said we'll I didn't realize all of what you do and that's the expectation if elderly we expect more of you then what. YOu can give." Then she took accountability to do better on her end. I felt no need to explain i have a life and im a single person trying to maintain control over my needs and environment etc. I find the guilt trip unnecessary bc it's about what someone eles expects or needs,wants that they're not willing to do themselves barely meeting halfway.
I want to save this for future reference. It is on point. Sometimes, people say things that are confusing because their intentions are the opposite of what is being heard. Normally, this ends up being a red flag.
The timing of reading this is 👌I got a call from my sister who literally said this to me yesterday, “hey stranger haven’t heard from you!” But she had not called me either until yesterday. She’s done this many times over the years as if to say, everyone in the family should be calling her first? I really don’t understand it. I’ve tried sneaking in a “yeah I haven’t heard from you either!” type of comment to emphasize that point, but yeah I don’t understand the point of saying that to someone. Is there any benefit to confronting someone about this and how?
I think there is. It's about having those "hard conversations" when you want to keep the relationship intact but still feel the need to talk about certain issues. I think it's called the art of confrontation.
Your first example about the guilt trips is one that drives me especially crazy! It was especially bad when I was a shy, introverted teen who preferred to spend time in my room when lots of people were around. But when I came out to be among them, I'd get snarky comments from family members in front of everyone about "look who finally decided to join us" or "look who's finally in the land of the living." It made me want to go hide even more.
Very timely, Nedra, as usual. I was thinking a few days ago when I deliberated on whether to post a book review of a book I felt ambivalent about--what can I write that is honest and true without being critical or judgmental? I know that books, like most things, involve subjectivity, plus I wanted to share my review with the author. I think we can all find good aspects to bring out in conversations and learn to hold our tongue when something does not help or add value to another person's life.
This is so good Nedra! I think a lot of times we are not really thinking about what we say before say them. We just immediately say the first things that come to mind without thinking about it, the impact for us or others. Thanks for the reminder.
Love this! Thank you so much 💕
Oh my goodness, this is perfect timing. Thank you. I just posted a photo of my art that's in an exhibit right now- one of my collectors chimed in in the comments to say "I like the painting I have better than any of these!" ha!
(Granted, she's in her 80's and has always been a little wacky anyway, but still. So funny and unnecessary!)
I appreciated learning more abt the ways in which we can unintentionally repel ppl. Do u have insight / ideas on better ways to let someone know u want to connect with them when u haven’t done so in a while?
Enjoyed this post, although it has me questioning about how much I share unnecessarily...
Thanks for the reminder; I've always been the blunt one among my friends, telling them exactly how I feel; however, sometimes I realise it is just unnecessary mean comments inspired by my thoughts of what I think one should or shouldn't do when after all, it's their life. I don't want anyone dictating how I should live my life.
Great reminder. Think about your words, the place they're coming from, and the intention.
What a beautiful way to remind us that our words matter.
ALL OF THIS!!!! Bless you for the creation of this post and the wonderful honesty and mindfulness of others that you share! SO GOOD! Many blessings and MUCH LOVE, ~Wendy💜🙌🤗
You always say exactly what I need when I need it!!!
I have learned over the years not to take things personally. We can't control what others say to us but we can control how we respond. If it's such a big issue we should be able to confront others with grace and truth.
Interesting article although I feel it unfortunately doesn’t address another perspective, which is the need at times for honest conversation, even if uncomfortable, . For example, I feel your uncle was trying to communicate his disappoint / needs ( albeit in a clumsy way) but was brushed off by your somewhat glib comment 😟.
A kinder ,deeper understanding and connection could have been made at that moment if you had calmly communicated your needs / loving boundaries etc rather than the sharper defensive push backs that we all too often jump to. These defences ultimately waste the opportunity for genuine growth in relationships 😔 including the inner relationship with ourselves.
Well said.
Yesterday I was told" you don't call ,text etc. And I have to ask so &so if you're okay then I know you're alright." I raid that's not true because I text back, call and show up in person so I don't want to hear that." Then she said we'll I didn't realize all of what you do and that's the expectation if elderly we expect more of you then what. YOu can give." Then she took accountability to do better on her end. I felt no need to explain i have a life and im a single person trying to maintain control over my needs and environment etc. I find the guilt trip unnecessary bc it's about what someone eles expects or needs,wants that they're not willing to do themselves barely meeting halfway.
Yes this is good. It's about other people's expectations and how we respond to them.
I want to save this for future reference. It is on point. Sometimes, people say things that are confusing because their intentions are the opposite of what is being heard. Normally, this ends up being a red flag.
The timing of reading this is 👌I got a call from my sister who literally said this to me yesterday, “hey stranger haven’t heard from you!” But she had not called me either until yesterday. She’s done this many times over the years as if to say, everyone in the family should be calling her first? I really don’t understand it. I’ve tried sneaking in a “yeah I haven’t heard from you either!” type of comment to emphasize that point, but yeah I don’t understand the point of saying that to someone. Is there any benefit to confronting someone about this and how?
I think there is. It's about having those "hard conversations" when you want to keep the relationship intact but still feel the need to talk about certain issues. I think it's called the art of confrontation.
Nothing boils my blood more than a passive aggressive “Hey, stranger.” Contacts can happen in both directions.
Your first example about the guilt trips is one that drives me especially crazy! It was especially bad when I was a shy, introverted teen who preferred to spend time in my room when lots of people were around. But when I came out to be among them, I'd get snarky comments from family members in front of everyone about "look who finally decided to join us" or "look who's finally in the land of the living." It made me want to go hide even more.
Don't punish the behavior you want to see!
Those sort of comments increases distance.
Very timely, Nedra, as usual. I was thinking a few days ago when I deliberated on whether to post a book review of a book I felt ambivalent about--what can I write that is honest and true without being critical or judgmental? I know that books, like most things, involve subjectivity, plus I wanted to share my review with the author. I think we can all find good aspects to bring out in conversations and learn to hold our tongue when something does not help or add value to another person's life.
Well said. It's finding that balance of honesty and grace.
This is so good Nedra! I think a lot of times we are not really thinking about what we say before say them. We just immediately say the first things that come to mind without thinking about it, the impact for us or others. Thanks for the reminder.