I had to end an 18 year friendship as she never listened when I tried to set a boundary but she had so many that I had to follow. The respect did not go two ways and it took me so long to realise it. It’s been two years since I ended the friendship and I know it was the right decision and I won’t ever go back. Your book Set Boundaries really helped me navigate that difficult time and to really set those boundaries
I've been in a situation where I communicated a boundary and the other person tried to negotiate it with me, in the guise of a 'compromise.' Even though what they offered still technically compromised my boundaries, I wasn't willing to budge. The lines get blurry sometimes. This was a comforting read!
Love this article! I call it the "dealbreaker" behaviour when I decide that enough is enough. I remember turning myself into a pretzel for decades trying to explain to my parents why I could not have a relationship with a toxic sibling. In the end I had a lightbulb moment where I decided that I didn't want to spend any more time explaining my boundaries to people who did not want to listen to them. Only recently I set a boundary with a "friend" who was "confused" about why I would do such a thing. I had learned my lesson and wasn't going to spend the next few years trying to explain why I had set the boundary.
Requiring that they manage their stuff is a boundary. Their rooms are the home for much of their stuff. It's not how I keep my room, but I do expect them to have a system for themselves.
I need to stop repeating to myself that I'll uphold my own boundary but then fall out of it. Also, stop repeating I need something from someone knowing they can't fulfill it . You know the attitude "if you do it for me I'll do it for you". That changes the level of expectations
Life is hard but it becomes increasingly harder when you have to navigate so many different relationships.... that last statement was exactly what I did this year "And a time and place to stop". Sometimes we must stop repeating, explaining and doing, if just to preserve our sanity. Thanks, Nedra, always something to learn in these nuggets of yours:)
This reminds me of the aspect of respect in any relationship. As I read your piece today, I thought of the time I have both been the executor of a boundary that was blatantly disregarded, and also the times I have been the one who did not adhere to another person's clear boundary. What I realized is that not following the boundaries another person has put in place signals how valuable the relationship is to another. In other words, can I be more thoughtful or considerate, even if I don't understand or agree with, someone else's needs? And, what will I (or won't I) tolerate in specific relationships where it's evident that my needs are not being respected, either?
This was really helpful. I often give the benefit of the doubt for way too long….thinking, “maybe I wasn’t clear”….”if they knew how I felt, they would respond accordingly.” Not in 2025. I’m done repeating myself. I might say it twice, but that’s it. Thanks for this! Do you plan to publish a new season of the podcast?
Love this. I realize one of my pet peeves is when people take issue with me, but go everywhere but to me with it. It doesn’t give the opportunity to repair, apologize, or otherwise learn from whatever happened. But I am also acknowledging that many may never tell me. 😮💨
I had to end an 18 year friendship as she never listened when I tried to set a boundary but she had so many that I had to follow. The respect did not go two ways and it took me so long to realise it. It’s been two years since I ended the friendship and I know it was the right decision and I won’t ever go back. Your book Set Boundaries really helped me navigate that difficult time and to really set those boundaries
I've been in a situation where I communicated a boundary and the other person tried to negotiate it with me, in the guise of a 'compromise.' Even though what they offered still technically compromised my boundaries, I wasn't willing to budge. The lines get blurry sometimes. This was a comforting read!
So so good! Spot on and very clear to follow and understand.
So good. Appreciate the reminders!
Love this so much Nedra! 🙏🏻🌟
Love this article! I call it the "dealbreaker" behaviour when I decide that enough is enough. I remember turning myself into a pretzel for decades trying to explain to my parents why I could not have a relationship with a toxic sibling. In the end I had a lightbulb moment where I decided that I didn't want to spend any more time explaining my boundaries to people who did not want to listen to them. Only recently I set a boundary with a "friend" who was "confused" about why I would do such a thing. I had learned my lesson and wasn't going to spend the next few years trying to explain why I had set the boundary.
Are they confused, or are they not listening? It's peaceful when we accept that they don't want to listen.
Can I ask how asking your kids to clean their rooms is a boundary of yours?
Requiring that they manage their stuff is a boundary. Their rooms are the home for much of their stuff. It's not how I keep my room, but I do expect them to have a system for themselves.
I need to stop repeating to myself that I'll uphold my own boundary but then fall out of it. Also, stop repeating I need something from someone knowing they can't fulfill it . You know the attitude "if you do it for me I'll do it for you". That changes the level of expectations
Life is hard but it becomes increasingly harder when you have to navigate so many different relationships.... that last statement was exactly what I did this year "And a time and place to stop". Sometimes we must stop repeating, explaining and doing, if just to preserve our sanity. Thanks, Nedra, always something to learn in these nuggets of yours:)
Wow. SO good. I really needed this. Thank you Nedra!
BRILLIANT TAKE! I want to send this to everyone in my family lol.
🤣 Please do. I will take the blowback, if any.
I stopped doing this years ago. They just weren't interested.
Nedra,
This reminds me of the aspect of respect in any relationship. As I read your piece today, I thought of the time I have both been the executor of a boundary that was blatantly disregarded, and also the times I have been the one who did not adhere to another person's clear boundary. What I realized is that not following the boundaries another person has put in place signals how valuable the relationship is to another. In other words, can I be more thoughtful or considerate, even if I don't understand or agree with, someone else's needs? And, what will I (or won't I) tolerate in specific relationships where it's evident that my needs are not being respected, either?
Great read & so timely! Thanks Nedra!
This was definitely needed and helpful. I am navigating a difficult relationship where my boundaries are being tested. Thank you for this!
This was really helpful. I often give the benefit of the doubt for way too long….thinking, “maybe I wasn’t clear”….”if they knew how I felt, they would respond accordingly.” Not in 2025. I’m done repeating myself. I might say it twice, but that’s it. Thanks for this! Do you plan to publish a new season of the podcast?
Love this. I realize one of my pet peeves is when people take issue with me, but go everywhere but to me with it. It doesn’t give the opportunity to repair, apologize, or otherwise learn from whatever happened. But I am also acknowledging that many may never tell me. 😮💨