Thanks for this. I learned this lesson the hard way. It probably goes back to my childhood where our interests were what our parents were interested in such as tennis and swimming and other activities and the whole family was expected to participate. Growing up I thought my friends would be the same as my family of origin; all liking the same things.
I resonate with this fully and have always had a great circle with a variety of interests. The range is wonderful. My only issue was with those who did not want to engage in any activities except work /home/ and the boyfriend who disappoints every 3 months. We have to have engage in some type of activity that makes our well being sustainable.
Thanks, Nedra. As usual, your piece hit home for me today. I am wondering, though, how to incorporate this perspective with a life partner? I don't expect him to be "everything" to me, but I have always wanted a deep connection with him, which we have gradually lost. In the past five years, I've learned to accept that each of my friendships is different, as you said. I have my "fun" friends, my friend I can talk about hard things with, a friend who shares my love of books, a friend who supports my creative work, a friend who likes to hang out in quiet places and another who enjoys travel and adventure. I know this about them, as you said, and I've nurtured each of them in their own way. But figuring out how to live with one person I've committed my life to, who does not connect with many aspects of my life that are important to me, has become difficult to navigate. Maybe you have written about this before, and I just need to revisit some of your articles or books!
Oftentimes we experience personal growth in our relationships whilst the other person remains the same. I learned that there are other places to receive nurturing or having my needs met that my husband can't provide. Perhaps this is what the message means.
This could also include family members because being an "all-in-one" sibling can be difficult and detrimental. But what do you do with those people who want to be the "all-in-one" but you know they don't have the capacity yet suffer from the dread of "missing out" on everything that matters to you..lol Thank you for your excellent and insightful post, Nedra!
I have " community" friend's for each thing I enjoy. So I have my fitness group , I have friend's for shopping, I have friend's who are creative museum folks, I have my brainy educational gang. It's true .it's interesting to see how each friend represents who we are and we often criticize ourselves saying we don't like ourselves when our friends mirror the things we don't think we like about ourselves they show us just how much we not only like our friends but ourselves too. This was a lesson I learned over time. It taught me to love who I am and not be insecure about myself or dumb myself down for anyone because the people who love me are a fit in varied ways.
Such a great newsletter! We all need these reminded sometimes.
Thanks for this. I learned this lesson the hard way. It probably goes back to my childhood where our interests were what our parents were interested in such as tennis and swimming and other activities and the whole family was expected to participate. Growing up I thought my friends would be the same as my family of origin; all liking the same things.
I resonate with this fully and have always had a great circle with a variety of interests. The range is wonderful. My only issue was with those who did not want to engage in any activities except work /home/ and the boyfriend who disappoints every 3 months. We have to have engage in some type of activity that makes our well being sustainable.
Thanks, Nedra. As usual, your piece hit home for me today. I am wondering, though, how to incorporate this perspective with a life partner? I don't expect him to be "everything" to me, but I have always wanted a deep connection with him, which we have gradually lost. In the past five years, I've learned to accept that each of my friendships is different, as you said. I have my "fun" friends, my friend I can talk about hard things with, a friend who shares my love of books, a friend who supports my creative work, a friend who likes to hang out in quiet places and another who enjoys travel and adventure. I know this about them, as you said, and I've nurtured each of them in their own way. But figuring out how to live with one person I've committed my life to, who does not connect with many aspects of my life that are important to me, has become difficult to navigate. Maybe you have written about this before, and I just need to revisit some of your articles or books!
Oftentimes we experience personal growth in our relationships whilst the other person remains the same. I learned that there are other places to receive nurturing or having my needs met that my husband can't provide. Perhaps this is what the message means.
This could also include family members because being an "all-in-one" sibling can be difficult and detrimental. But what do you do with those people who want to be the "all-in-one" but you know they don't have the capacity yet suffer from the dread of "missing out" on everything that matters to you..lol Thank you for your excellent and insightful post, Nedra!
Yes and another thought is not expecting parters to be all-in-ones either.
Absolutely! I learned this the hard way.
YES!!!!
I have " community" friend's for each thing I enjoy. So I have my fitness group , I have friend's for shopping, I have friend's who are creative museum folks, I have my brainy educational gang. It's true .it's interesting to see how each friend represents who we are and we often criticize ourselves saying we don't like ourselves when our friends mirror the things we don't think we like about ourselves they show us just how much we not only like our friends but ourselves too. This was a lesson I learned over time. It taught me to love who I am and not be insecure about myself or dumb myself down for anyone because the people who love me are a fit in varied ways.
Very good reminder! Why have we tended towards putting that “all or nothing” on an individual? I need to find my athletic friends.
absolutely love this 🤍