I ended a long term relationship. In the beginning i tried letting them know why and what went wrong but even though they wanted to know, they're unable to accept. I ended a friendship, he was constantly asking for reasons ,i gave some and stood on my stance with empathy, but had to block them due to clinginess and exaggeration. Thirdly, i gave two reasons after a date (i knew the person beforehand a bit) though they didn't ask for it , it was important as I felt that they were trying to place me under judgments and i didn't appreciate their ignorant behavior. I couldn't speak or communicate then and there due to anxiety and shutdown but later i had to advocate for myself and teach myself how to speak up for myself (which was my purpose of the date) and not just let it go by not reacting and holding onto it against them. They took it well though. I told what doesn't align with me and led it with respect and thanked them for the past help. Sometimes when the relationship is new, it gives clarity and possibility to change but yes processing our own emotions is the most important thing
I think the nature and extent of the conversation should also depend on how long you’ve been with the individual. I recently got out of a year and a half long relationship with someone. The first half or so of it was a magical, incredible relationship and complete perfection. In the second half, my former partner changed quite a bit. With the benefit of hindsight, I now know that he probably had wanted out for a while, but was simply unable or too afraid to gracefully bring up the subject. Unfortunately it led to a really painful end of the relationship. Because he couldn’t find the right words he ended up choosing to take actions that were so hurtful that they cornered me into a break up. Not only did he seem to feel he was “not required to offer an explanation”, but he took it to the extreme and acted so poorly. I feel that after being together as long as we had been, a much more grounded and mature conversation could have transpired. I really just wish there had been respectful and honest communication, after all we had shared together over almost two years of our lives together.
This is such a strange coincidence I have recently started and stopped dating a person and I wasnt sure what exactly went on as we both seemed equally interested and then equally put off (or so it seems) I felt kind of guilty but now I realize maybe I don't need to feel that way. If we mutually were into and then not into each other maybe it's just as well we both fade out without any need for explanation bc I didn't ask for one and don't need one and he probably doesn't need one either.
Thank you so much for sharing this. In 2022 I walked away from trauma-bonded friendships. It was hard because either parent didn't raise me, so I've always held friendships close due to unhealed abandonment issues. However, as I started to heal, I noticed things that didn't feel like a friendship. I tried to talk with them about it, and I had one who felt like I always had a problem with her regarding how she showed up as a friend. We haven't always been comfortable having hard conversations, and when I was ready, I couldn't force her to be. Instead of hearing my heart, she met me with defensiveness and decided to cut me off. I grieved for half a year and am now free of guilt. I was able to have closure with one, which I think we both needed, and the other didn't require any. I am genuinely thankful for that experience. Although I am a little guarded now, I know that what I needed and had to offer as a friend in my 20s is no longer the same in my mid-30s.
I was in a long term relationship. We were going to moved in together and suddenly he got cold feet. I know the break up was his fault but I still need closure. So I want to know why.
I was compelled to end a long term friendship during COVID.
They had gradually descended down a dark path of being convinced that the pandemic was a hoax. It was tough to watch him become embroiled in the conspiracy theories circulating on the web.
At first, I wanted to engage and discuss it. Maybe I had got it wrong. Then it got nasty and personal, and he ended up abusing my wife online.
It was so sad but I couldn't have him in my life anymore.
The post's very important that the angel investor can connect with your idea/product. You need to research them well and pay attention to their past investments. https://psglending.com/apply-now/
I have ended many relationships over the past 2 years, but fortunately I was able to part gracefully with many of them... except 2. I was able to gracefully part from friendships, however my relationship with my biological mother and father did not end gracefully. I had to cut off all communication with them and "ghost" them. The difference between my biological parents and the friends that I walked away from is that, those friends were reasonable people and I felt safe gracefully ending the relationship. However, that was not the case for my biological parents. Ending my relationship with them also required me to end my relationship with all of my other relatives. Coping emotionally with the end of the relationship has not been very difficult for me, it was something that I knew I would have to do since I was 13. But as a 24 year old, the sudden loss of financial support they provided me has been very difficult to adjust to.
I ended a long friendship a couple of years ago. I thought I owed my friend an explanation but you've shown me that I didn't and that she may have preferred not to have had one. Thanks for helping me to reflect on what happened. If I have to end a relationship in the future, your words will help me to handle it better.
I really appreciate this article. especially since I just ended a toxic friendship ungracefully. Ghosting was so uncomfortable. Finally I texted her that the relationship was not working for me. She wanted to know why. I could have really used these suggestions. I felt compelled to respond. I told her I felt put down, and she responded with a good-riddance put down. I have to laugh. It was So predictable, and brought pointless misery for both of us. Seriously - pointless! She wasn't looking for self-improvement, she was looking for ammunition. That's why I was leaving in the first place.
OMG, Nedra! You are so SPOT ON with ending relationships gracefully! I am on the precipice of ending a 5 year relationship and engagement and .......... I have given signs that I am backing away: (1) took 98% of every personal posession OUT of his home, back to mine; (2) don't call when he storms out anymore--just leave him be; (3) stop trying to reason and rationalize WHY the relationship has become ONE SIDED (me doing most of the work). He is VERY controlling. I am an RN and want to take Contract work out of state b/c Arkansas wages are very LOW comparatively to other states nearby. He says if I do that, our relationship is OVER. Well, he told me that a year ago, I said goodbye and TOOK the contract (thank God! it was a finacial LIFE SAVER) and he STILL HUNG ON. I think if I take another out of state contract, it will be easier than breaking up. LOL..... I am being a chicken! LOL. But! thank you ever so much for the vote of confidence and words of wisdom. I know we are mere ships passing in the night, but I read each and every article you send me. They are beyond phenomenal! Your words encourage me to be a better person, so thank you for that. Warmest Regards, Terry Van Diver, RN in po-dunk Little Rock, BFE, ARKANSAS. <3
Such an insightful and thought provoking article on learning different styles of parting ways in relationships. It's so crazy how this came at such impeccable timing right when I'm about to end a friendship of 15 years this week...of course a part of me wants to give her a piece of my mind, over explain as to why I no longer want to continue this toxic friendship, but a simple sentence of I feel emotionally unsafe and we don't have the same values is good enough for me. Thank you Nedra for writing this beautiful piece! <3
I ended a long term relationship. In the beginning i tried letting them know why and what went wrong but even though they wanted to know, they're unable to accept. I ended a friendship, he was constantly asking for reasons ,i gave some and stood on my stance with empathy, but had to block them due to clinginess and exaggeration. Thirdly, i gave two reasons after a date (i knew the person beforehand a bit) though they didn't ask for it , it was important as I felt that they were trying to place me under judgments and i didn't appreciate their ignorant behavior. I couldn't speak or communicate then and there due to anxiety and shutdown but later i had to advocate for myself and teach myself how to speak up for myself (which was my purpose of the date) and not just let it go by not reacting and holding onto it against them. They took it well though. I told what doesn't align with me and led it with respect and thanked them for the past help. Sometimes when the relationship is new, it gives clarity and possibility to change but yes processing our own emotions is the most important thing
I think the nature and extent of the conversation should also depend on how long you’ve been with the individual. I recently got out of a year and a half long relationship with someone. The first half or so of it was a magical, incredible relationship and complete perfection. In the second half, my former partner changed quite a bit. With the benefit of hindsight, I now know that he probably had wanted out for a while, but was simply unable or too afraid to gracefully bring up the subject. Unfortunately it led to a really painful end of the relationship. Because he couldn’t find the right words he ended up choosing to take actions that were so hurtful that they cornered me into a break up. Not only did he seem to feel he was “not required to offer an explanation”, but he took it to the extreme and acted so poorly. I feel that after being together as long as we had been, a much more grounded and mature conversation could have transpired. I really just wish there had been respectful and honest communication, after all we had shared together over almost two years of our lives together.
This is such a strange coincidence I have recently started and stopped dating a person and I wasnt sure what exactly went on as we both seemed equally interested and then equally put off (or so it seems) I felt kind of guilty but now I realize maybe I don't need to feel that way. If we mutually were into and then not into each other maybe it's just as well we both fade out without any need for explanation bc I didn't ask for one and don't need one and he probably doesn't need one either.
Soooo good, grounding. 💗💗
Thank you so much for sharing this. In 2022 I walked away from trauma-bonded friendships. It was hard because either parent didn't raise me, so I've always held friendships close due to unhealed abandonment issues. However, as I started to heal, I noticed things that didn't feel like a friendship. I tried to talk with them about it, and I had one who felt like I always had a problem with her regarding how she showed up as a friend. We haven't always been comfortable having hard conversations, and when I was ready, I couldn't force her to be. Instead of hearing my heart, she met me with defensiveness and decided to cut me off. I grieved for half a year and am now free of guilt. I was able to have closure with one, which I think we both needed, and the other didn't require any. I am genuinely thankful for that experience. Although I am a little guarded now, I know that what I needed and had to offer as a friend in my 20s is no longer the same in my mid-30s.
I was in a long term relationship. We were going to moved in together and suddenly he got cold feet. I know the break up was his fault but I still need closure. So I want to know why.
I was compelled to end a long term friendship during COVID.
They had gradually descended down a dark path of being convinced that the pandemic was a hoax. It was tough to watch him become embroiled in the conspiracy theories circulating on the web.
At first, I wanted to engage and discuss it. Maybe I had got it wrong. Then it got nasty and personal, and he ended up abusing my wife online.
It was so sad but I couldn't have him in my life anymore.
The post's very important that the angel investor can connect with your idea/product. You need to research them well and pay attention to their past investments. https://psglending.com/apply-now/
“I think this relationship has transitioned” - this feels like such a gentle way to think about it. Thank you.
I have ended many relationships over the past 2 years, but fortunately I was able to part gracefully with many of them... except 2. I was able to gracefully part from friendships, however my relationship with my biological mother and father did not end gracefully. I had to cut off all communication with them and "ghost" them. The difference between my biological parents and the friends that I walked away from is that, those friends were reasonable people and I felt safe gracefully ending the relationship. However, that was not the case for my biological parents. Ending my relationship with them also required me to end my relationship with all of my other relatives. Coping emotionally with the end of the relationship has not been very difficult for me, it was something that I knew I would have to do since I was 13. But as a 24 year old, the sudden loss of financial support they provided me has been very difficult to adjust to.
I ended a long friendship a couple of years ago. I thought I owed my friend an explanation but you've shown me that I didn't and that she may have preferred not to have had one. Thanks for helping me to reflect on what happened. If I have to end a relationship in the future, your words will help me to handle it better.
I really appreciate this article. especially since I just ended a toxic friendship ungracefully. Ghosting was so uncomfortable. Finally I texted her that the relationship was not working for me. She wanted to know why. I could have really used these suggestions. I felt compelled to respond. I told her I felt put down, and she responded with a good-riddance put down. I have to laugh. It was So predictable, and brought pointless misery for both of us. Seriously - pointless! She wasn't looking for self-improvement, she was looking for ammunition. That's why I was leaving in the first place.
I always say lead with Grace.. but what do you do when the person you want to end things with is unwilling?
Does everyone want/need the answer to the why or the “closure” ?
OMG, Nedra! You are so SPOT ON with ending relationships gracefully! I am on the precipice of ending a 5 year relationship and engagement and .......... I have given signs that I am backing away: (1) took 98% of every personal posession OUT of his home, back to mine; (2) don't call when he storms out anymore--just leave him be; (3) stop trying to reason and rationalize WHY the relationship has become ONE SIDED (me doing most of the work). He is VERY controlling. I am an RN and want to take Contract work out of state b/c Arkansas wages are very LOW comparatively to other states nearby. He says if I do that, our relationship is OVER. Well, he told me that a year ago, I said goodbye and TOOK the contract (thank God! it was a finacial LIFE SAVER) and he STILL HUNG ON. I think if I take another out of state contract, it will be easier than breaking up. LOL..... I am being a chicken! LOL. But! thank you ever so much for the vote of confidence and words of wisdom. I know we are mere ships passing in the night, but I read each and every article you send me. They are beyond phenomenal! Your words encourage me to be a better person, so thank you for that. Warmest Regards, Terry Van Diver, RN in po-dunk Little Rock, BFE, ARKANSAS. <3
Such an insightful and thought provoking article on learning different styles of parting ways in relationships. It's so crazy how this came at such impeccable timing right when I'm about to end a friendship of 15 years this week...of course a part of me wants to give her a piece of my mind, over explain as to why I no longer want to continue this toxic friendship, but a simple sentence of I feel emotionally unsafe and we don't have the same values is good enough for me. Thank you Nedra for writing this beautiful piece! <3