This is great advice, thank you for mapping it out so clearly (and spelling out the benefits!). The amount conflict that would never happen if everyone was capable of being accountable in the first place is a bit overwhelming to contemplate.
One thing I've found quite helpful when I find myself in a situation where someone is clearly at fault yet refusing to take accountability is remembering that this person probably grew up in a situation where taking any sort of responsibility for something equaled an immediate punishment of some sort. Perhaps due to an extremely punitive household or school environment. Regardless of why they ended up that way, feeling a little compassion for them can help me get over my frustration and figure out a way to resolve the situation vs. just getting angry at their inability to take accountability.
Another good reason to own up to your errors promptly.
Because when it really is NOT your fault, everyone believes you.
I had a coworker claim I had screwed something up royally.
My boss was like nope. "When Bridget makes a mistake, she tells me about it. When I tell her she made a mistake, she apologizes. If she says she didn't do this? She didn't do it."
I think it helps if instead of looking for someone to blame, we think about it as how to reduce errors.
I started off as a proofreader. Because people make mistakes.
If they didn't make mistakes, I wouldn't have had a job. (So I was in favor of people making mistakes. 😁)
I didn't have a job because I was smarter than them. I had a job because when people read their own writing, their brain reads what should be there instead of what was there.
So if I can when I work on something, I like someone else to look it over. Because my brain does the same thing.
Because I'm people too.
Most errors are misreading, misunderstanding, clumsiness. Fix them and move on.
Easy for me to admit ownership I even take it when I'm not at fault also a childhood issue.i feel going in the moment even though that stage of trying to justify your feelings kicks in but realizing we need to be accountable helps our relationships. I had an ex recently reach out after 9yrs yrs he took accountability for leaving me when I had miscarried in a car accident and not showing and requesting friendship so there's empowerment for both patties and emotional freedom if we're ready to accept it
Awesome read Nedra. In my workplace, I uphold the principle of owning mistakes. And I aim to not shame them for making those mistakes or make fun of them. Whenever someone on my team makes a mistake, I encourage them to own up it and then we instantly move on to figuring out how we can fix it. And the mistake goes into our "Lessons Learnt" document.
I took this workshop a few months ago where the teacher pretended to step on a man's foot and then demonstrated different ways of reacting to it. Ranging from apologizing profusely to denying it all together to taking full accountability and it was so eye opening. Trying to practice it more- especially with my son.
This is sooo important. Since starting my healing journey I can see when the child in me creeps in when it comes to owning something. I love that I can now recognize it and change course. I do not have to operate under that iOS anymore lol if that makes sense. It has also allowed me to communicate more directly with those i care and trust and in turn they appreciate the growth.
This is such an important spiritual practice. The more we do it, the more it loosens us up. Sometimes I notice how hard it feels when I do own up to something and I realize I must be out of practice!
Such a good piece about creating psychologically safe spaces for people to feel able to openly own their mistakes. Many situations, spaces and places aren’t psychologically safe enough for people to admit their mistakes - not even to themselves
I love this and had to have a little giggle when I remember a few years ago somebody spilt pizza onto me and then blamed me for wearing white pants!!! Some people will never take accountability for their actions, never. To me it's a sign of emotional immaturity.
Thank you! I wrote on this topic a few weeks ago (You’re Not Always Right). Your material is wonderfully clean and applicable.
The face I made when I read the car lot guy's response. 😩 It's so important to hold ourselves accountable. I'd be embarrassed not to.
I love this, thank you. Loads of wisdom in it. And much that I needed to be reminded of.
This is great advice, thank you for mapping it out so clearly (and spelling out the benefits!). The amount conflict that would never happen if everyone was capable of being accountable in the first place is a bit overwhelming to contemplate.
One thing I've found quite helpful when I find myself in a situation where someone is clearly at fault yet refusing to take accountability is remembering that this person probably grew up in a situation where taking any sort of responsibility for something equaled an immediate punishment of some sort. Perhaps due to an extremely punitive household or school environment. Regardless of why they ended up that way, feeling a little compassion for them can help me get over my frustration and figure out a way to resolve the situation vs. just getting angry at their inability to take accountability.
Another good reason to own up to your errors promptly.
Because when it really is NOT your fault, everyone believes you.
I had a coworker claim I had screwed something up royally.
My boss was like nope. "When Bridget makes a mistake, she tells me about it. When I tell her she made a mistake, she apologizes. If she says she didn't do this? She didn't do it."
I think it helps if instead of looking for someone to blame, we think about it as how to reduce errors.
I started off as a proofreader. Because people make mistakes.
If they didn't make mistakes, I wouldn't have had a job. (So I was in favor of people making mistakes. 😁)
I didn't have a job because I was smarter than them. I had a job because when people read their own writing, their brain reads what should be there instead of what was there.
So if I can when I work on something, I like someone else to look it over. Because my brain does the same thing.
Because I'm people too.
Most errors are misreading, misunderstanding, clumsiness. Fix them and move on.
Easy for me to admit ownership I even take it when I'm not at fault also a childhood issue.i feel going in the moment even though that stage of trying to justify your feelings kicks in but realizing we need to be accountable helps our relationships. I had an ex recently reach out after 9yrs yrs he took accountability for leaving me when I had miscarried in a car accident and not showing and requesting friendship so there's empowerment for both patties and emotional freedom if we're ready to accept it
Is it just me or did your experience being harshly disciplined at school make it fairly difficult to own your mistakes?
Awesome read Nedra. In my workplace, I uphold the principle of owning mistakes. And I aim to not shame them for making those mistakes or make fun of them. Whenever someone on my team makes a mistake, I encourage them to own up it and then we instantly move on to figuring out how we can fix it. And the mistake goes into our "Lessons Learnt" document.
I took this workshop a few months ago where the teacher pretended to step on a man's foot and then demonstrated different ways of reacting to it. Ranging from apologizing profusely to denying it all together to taking full accountability and it was so eye opening. Trying to practice it more- especially with my son.
Excellent piece!
So true!
My father was fond of telling me: "If you screw up, make it a big one! That way you will remember not to do it again."
This is sooo important. Since starting my healing journey I can see when the child in me creeps in when it comes to owning something. I love that I can now recognize it and change course. I do not have to operate under that iOS anymore lol if that makes sense. It has also allowed me to communicate more directly with those i care and trust and in turn they appreciate the growth.
This is such an important spiritual practice. The more we do it, the more it loosens us up. Sometimes I notice how hard it feels when I do own up to something and I realize I must be out of practice!
Such a good piece about creating psychologically safe spaces for people to feel able to openly own their mistakes. Many situations, spaces and places aren’t psychologically safe enough for people to admit their mistakes - not even to themselves
I love this and had to have a little giggle when I remember a few years ago somebody spilt pizza onto me and then blamed me for wearing white pants!!! Some people will never take accountability for their actions, never. To me it's a sign of emotional immaturity.