Owning Our Mistakes
The importance of holding ourselves accountable
Recently I was having a call with one of my clients and I couldn’t hear them, and I said, “Let me check my settings because this is probably on me.” I checked my settings, fixed the issue, and my client said, “I’m so happy you took accountability for that because most people would have just said something must be wrong on my end.”
There are lots of folks who would rather point a finger than hold themselves responsible. Something will be their fault and they will instantly, with no hesitation, blame the other person for it. I parked my car in a lot one day and when I went to pick it up, the guy brought me the wrong car. When I let him know his mistake he told me, “You must have given me the wrong ticket.” That wasn’t even possible. It clearly didn’t make any sense, but rather than own that he’d made a mistake he immediately placed the blame on my shoulders.
I am moving into a phase of my life where I am choosing to think about how I’m contributing to a situation first, before I consider anybody else’s part. I want to make sure that I recognize what I’m responsible for before telling somebody else what they need to be doing differently.
There is something about being seen as wrong, unknowing, or not having it all together that makes us come undone. It makes us refuse to accept accountability even when something is our fault. This knee jerk reaction of “I didn’t do it,” is reminiscent of the childhood reflex when we thought we were going to get in trouble. This programming from our youth seems to sometimes bleed into adulthood, but we need to let it go.
When we take responsibility for our mistakes it:
helps us earn people’s trust
allows people to see our humanity
deepens our connections with other people
inspires and encourages others to follow suit
Why don’t we just sit with ourselves when we make a mistake? What do we think will happen if people find out we’re imperfect? Nothing is perfect. You can buy a brand new car today and in a year or two it will still need repairs.
Not holding ourselves accountable may feel good in the moment, but in the long run it damages our relationships with others. When we don’t take ownership of our actions, we are not operating with integrity, and it hinders our growth. If nothing is ever our fault, there is no space for us to improve.
Journal Prompts
How do you feel when you make a mistake?
Is it easy or challenging for you to take ownership of your mistakes?
A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week
What Winter Haters Get Wrong, by Arthur C. Brooks, in The Atlantic.
How to Build (and Rebuild) Trust with Frances Frei. You can watch this talk on TED.
News Media Clutter on The Minimalists podcast. You can listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you stream podcasts.
On Being Wrong with Kathryn Schulz. You can watch this talk on TED.
"There is something about being seen as wrong, unknowing, or not having it all together that makes us come undone." - We (white western societies) live in a punishing, shame-inducing culture that does not encourage kindness or integrity and many of its people uphold it - Especially those in most influential positions of power. Children are not apologized to by adults and are not taught to lead with kindness and humility. People often were not provided the space and encouragement to develop their own ethics and face the impact of their behavior and attempt to make reparations.
If you hurt someone, that means YOU ARE BAD TO THE CORE and that is all.
There is about zero incentive to have and show integrity - Many people enable lack of accountability in some way; I notice it is often looked down upon when someone apologizes for a mistake or admitting they played an unkind role in a situation.
Just stick to the few individuals who have integrity and humility and make sure you do the same.
I grew up feeling responsible for everything. I can speculate as to how that came about but won't do it here
I was in my late teens when it dawned on me that not everything was my fault. I was in a college classroom. No one was answering the question. I was stressing, but realized my ignorance was no more important than anyone else's..