This is such a good reminder to have those hard conversations. I can be one of those over communicators and have found it quite hard when I’m met with what in see as rejection. When really that other persons cup might be full.
Nov 8, 2023·edited Nov 8, 2023Liked by Nedra Glover Tawwab
This right here speaks my WHOLE LANGUAGE!! My ex best friend and I had stopped being friends a year now and she came by unannounced 2weeks ago and I met up with her and she asked to be friends again after we talked about the issues we had. However, she requested to be friends again. I told her I wasn't ready to move into that space. And I've shown her all the signs that we are misaligned at this point until I see fit it's in my best interest to have the capacity to deal with her again and this post is where I'm literally at just weighing the pros and cons. And those questions on the post are life. Thanks Nedra
I went through this with my best friend from high school (much older now)...Long story short, we fell off for reasons she came to apologize about last year and desired our sisterhood to exist again. However, I’ve realized and come to accept that we don’t align and anything past what has been will be forced for the sake of time. It’s not healthy. Thank you Brittany for sharing this tidbit and shining this light as well.
Anytime! Shows we're never alone. You have to know your worth, boundaries-internal &external, how long do you want to continue tolerating what disturbs your peace of mind, and evaluate yourself and the spoken/unspoken expectations of both parties involved. For me I put up with too much drama from my friends family and mutual friends. It took a year to appreciate my value as her former closest friend of (21 years this year). After I weighed the pros and cons of self closure and her apology for her behavior I asked myself how much do I enjoy my peace? And have I truly eliminated what's caused me frustration? Can I really endure another 21 yrs of someone abusing my worth bc of their unhealthy decisions? So I realized I've been done since 2021 it's just been made official as of last year and as if 2wks ago verbally to her face.
Yeah, I needed to read this too. I have a friend with whom I reconnected, but now it's like she's ghosting me, when I know she legitly is busy with her job. It still stings a bit, though, because we have drifted apart a little. But that's just how relationships normally are - they go through ebb and flow...
I relate to this post a lot. I have always wondered how I should communicate my need for personal space when I meet someone new because I am a curious person, so I ask a lot of questions and listen attentively. So, I find myself in situations where the other person wants to drag the acquaintanceship into friendship which is not at all what I was aiming for, if I was aiming for anthing at all other than making the other person feel valued.
You always come with the just in time nuggets Nedra. Thank you!! This is really so helpful in navigating so many types of relationships but this - "It can be uncomfortable when our desires for a relationship don’t match up with the other person’s."... a harsh reality check!
Thank you so much for sharing your gifts and calling with us. I sincerely appreciate it. This was such a great read! Resonated with me on many levels. I too am a people person, but I also love and need to be alone to recharge. However, I must say along my growth journey that now instead assuming, as I did when I was younger. I now assess and take people for who they are, and not for the potential I see within them. I don’t even match energy anymore. I simply do me, set my intentions and move accordingly.
This came to me at the right time! I really related on both fronts. I do love talking to people and am curious about others. At the same time, I’ve come to realize my bandwidth for deep relationships does have a limit. On the flip side, with new relationships, it can feel like rejection if someone doesn’t communicate at the same level as I do. A good reminder that it’s not personal on either side.
Yes! This is something I’m trying to practice with dating right now and am finding challenging. The balance of asking questions to get to know someone but also, for me, being vulnerable and sharing about myself.
Exactly! I’ve dealt with this even more so as of recent so it’s good to know I’m not alone in my thinking and using these words as a guide of sorts. Good stuff for sure...
This is such a good reminder to have those hard conversations. I can be one of those over communicators and have found it quite hard when I’m met with what in see as rejection. When really that other persons cup might be full.
It great to be aware that we might be ready for something and the other person is not.
This right here speaks my WHOLE LANGUAGE!! My ex best friend and I had stopped being friends a year now and she came by unannounced 2weeks ago and I met up with her and she asked to be friends again after we talked about the issues we had. However, she requested to be friends again. I told her I wasn't ready to move into that space. And I've shown her all the signs that we are misaligned at this point until I see fit it's in my best interest to have the capacity to deal with her again and this post is where I'm literally at just weighing the pros and cons. And those questions on the post are life. Thanks Nedra
I went through this with my best friend from high school (much older now)...Long story short, we fell off for reasons she came to apologize about last year and desired our sisterhood to exist again. However, I’ve realized and come to accept that we don’t align and anything past what has been will be forced for the sake of time. It’s not healthy. Thank you Brittany for sharing this tidbit and shining this light as well.
Anytime! Shows we're never alone. You have to know your worth, boundaries-internal &external, how long do you want to continue tolerating what disturbs your peace of mind, and evaluate yourself and the spoken/unspoken expectations of both parties involved. For me I put up with too much drama from my friends family and mutual friends. It took a year to appreciate my value as her former closest friend of (21 years this year). After I weighed the pros and cons of self closure and her apology for her behavior I asked myself how much do I enjoy my peace? And have I truly eliminated what's caused me frustration? Can I really endure another 21 yrs of someone abusing my worth bc of their unhealthy decisions? So I realized I've been done since 2021 it's just been made official as of last year and as if 2wks ago verbally to her face.
Yeah, I needed to read this too. I have a friend with whom I reconnected, but now it's like she's ghosting me, when I know she legitly is busy with her job. It still stings a bit, though, because we have drifted apart a little. But that's just how relationships normally are - they go through ebb and flow...
Needed this!
I’ve been feeling ghosted lately and this piece gave me the perspective to understand the other side.
There is another side and it is mostly about them and just a bit about you.
I relate to this post a lot. I have always wondered how I should communicate my need for personal space when I meet someone new because I am a curious person, so I ask a lot of questions and listen attentively. So, I find myself in situations where the other person wants to drag the acquaintanceship into friendship which is not at all what I was aiming for, if I was aiming for anthing at all other than making the other person feel valued.
You always come with the just in time nuggets Nedra. Thank you!! This is really so helpful in navigating so many types of relationships but this - "It can be uncomfortable when our desires for a relationship don’t match up with the other person’s."... a harsh reality check!
Thank you so much for sharing your gifts and calling with us. I sincerely appreciate it. This was such a great read! Resonated with me on many levels. I too am a people person, but I also love and need to be alone to recharge. However, I must say along my growth journey that now instead assuming, as I did when I was younger. I now assess and take people for who they are, and not for the potential I see within them. I don’t even match energy anymore. I simply do me, set my intentions and move accordingly.
I needed to read this today! Thanks!
This is right on time. Thank you.
"It can be uncomfortable when our desires for a relationship don’t match up with the other person’s." 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Love the prompt! Thanks for that🙏 lots of insightful messaging to serve as a good reminder - thank you
This came to me at the right time! I really related on both fronts. I do love talking to people and am curious about others. At the same time, I’ve come to realize my bandwidth for deep relationships does have a limit. On the flip side, with new relationships, it can feel like rejection if someone doesn’t communicate at the same level as I do. A good reminder that it’s not personal on either side.
Sometimes, I'm too curious and don't get to insert myself into the mix. Relationships are about both people. I'm learning to do better...
Yes! This is something I’m trying to practice with dating right now and am finding challenging. The balance of asking questions to get to know someone but also, for me, being vulnerable and sharing about myself.
Exactly! I’ve dealt with this even more so as of recent so it’s good to know I’m not alone in my thinking and using these words as a guide of sorts. Good stuff for sure...
Always right on time 💖
Always right on time 💖