I have struggled to keep relationships, now more that I live abroad. What could be a way to “be present” in the little things when I am so far away (in time difference and location)?
You can make 1 day a month or week that you dedicate to your loved ones and chat with them for the day . I designate Friday nights into Saturday morning for friends on different time zones solely in the u.s. since we're 3 hours apart and then send small texts every 2 weeks in between. I hope that helps. Or connect on zoom all at the same time if feasible and have 1 large hangout
You’re absolutely right ... vulnerability and consistent connection are essential for building relationships that truly support us, especially during life’s tough moments. I think there’s also another layer to this: we often underestimate the power of being the one to reach out first, even when we don’t feel like we need support. Sometimes, extending a simple gesture - a text, a quick call, or an invitation - creates a ripple effect that strengthens bonds not just for us, but for others who might be struggling silently. Relationships aren’t just about leaning on others when we need them; they’re also about being present for others, which in turn deepens the trust and reciprocity that builds a lasting community. It’s in those small, ordinary moments that we create the foundation for the extraordinary ones.
"People can’t support you if they don’t know you’re struggling. They can’t be there for you if they don’t know they’re needed. It might feel embarrassing or vulnerable to admit you need others, but how else will they know? How else will you get the support you need?"
This is so, so good. Thanks, Nedra. I was just thinking about reaching out to someone to help with some of the admin stuff that comes with being an artist, and caught myself thinking "oh, I just need to learn how to do everything myself." It must be the culture of self-motivation and self-improvement you refer to!
I needed to hear this. I stay indoors way too much. I work from home and I’m a single mom. Don’t really have much of an outdoor life and that’s something I really enjoy. It may be somewhat depression and anxiety that keeps me feeling stuck and staying home. But after reading this I immediately messaged one of my old co workers and great friend. Hoping to connect more.
One of my intentions this year is to "let people in". I didn't understand what that meant when I was writing it down but trusted clues would come about in the new year. This was one of them!! Thank you thank you thank you <3
Because of my lack of trust and my upbringing, I've realized that it has kept me safe from "in-house fighting" with people I was closest to and all other outside distractions and drama at bay. But, on the other hand, it has left me quite alone.
I'm changing that this year, and reading this peace was a great start. I appreciate you, Nedra. Yet another banger!
This is so important for me in this season fo my life. I'm learning to pay attention to what letting people in looks like without dishonouring my boundaries.
What a great reminder and call in. I’m currently reading Ayşegül Savaș’ “The Anthropologists” and the narrator is grappling with the idea of community, what it looks like and feels like to be needed by someone else and vice versa, and our duty to romantic, platonic, and familial relationships (as well as duty to culture and places of origin/migration).
There was a scathing rebuke of therapy by a secondary character in a cafe scene, which I think the author used to make the same point you did here: there are limits to self-optimization, and it can put duty to yourself over duty to others.
This was so timely! After experiencing a very painful break up and some additionally interesting relationship experiences with aledged friends and family I have become more introverted than ever before. Just yesterday I was thinking that I need to get up and get out. Thanks for sharing this.
great post, and I love how it ties in with how our individualistic culture of self-improvement may actually prevent us from investing in meaningful relationships. When we are in crisis, we realize we need people, but that's often the hardest time to start building relationships from scratch.
“What a gift—to be sad, but not alone.” Very powerful perspective that is a great reminder to, let people in. Beautifully said, thanks for sharing Nedra 🫶🏽
Just read this out loud to my 21 y.o. daughter who has one more semester of college left. She is highly introverted and at times seems a little bit annoyed with hearing about the importance of making friends from me over the years. I’m thankful to let her know that it’s not just her mother’s opinion. Just celebrated 27 yrs of marriage and I must say that having a variety of lifelong friendships has saved me/us.
An important consideration for homebody introverts like me! (ironically today I actually met up with a friend in person!)
I so needed to read this, thank you Nedra 🌟
I have struggled to keep relationships, now more that I live abroad. What could be a way to “be present” in the little things when I am so far away (in time difference and location)?
You can make 1 day a month or week that you dedicate to your loved ones and chat with them for the day . I designate Friday nights into Saturday morning for friends on different time zones solely in the u.s. since we're 3 hours apart and then send small texts every 2 weeks in between. I hope that helps. Or connect on zoom all at the same time if feasible and have 1 large hangout
You’re absolutely right ... vulnerability and consistent connection are essential for building relationships that truly support us, especially during life’s tough moments. I think there’s also another layer to this: we often underestimate the power of being the one to reach out first, even when we don’t feel like we need support. Sometimes, extending a simple gesture - a text, a quick call, or an invitation - creates a ripple effect that strengthens bonds not just for us, but for others who might be struggling silently. Relationships aren’t just about leaning on others when we need them; they’re also about being present for others, which in turn deepens the trust and reciprocity that builds a lasting community. It’s in those small, ordinary moments that we create the foundation for the extraordinary ones.
"People can’t support you if they don’t know you’re struggling. They can’t be there for you if they don’t know they’re needed. It might feel embarrassing or vulnerable to admit you need others, but how else will they know? How else will you get the support you need?"
This is so, so good. Thanks, Nedra. I was just thinking about reaching out to someone to help with some of the admin stuff that comes with being an artist, and caught myself thinking "oh, I just need to learn how to do everything myself." It must be the culture of self-motivation and self-improvement you refer to!
Please reach out. It will be a good way to build your community.
I needed to hear this. I stay indoors way too much. I work from home and I’m a single mom. Don’t really have much of an outdoor life and that’s something I really enjoy. It may be somewhat depression and anxiety that keeps me feeling stuck and staying home. But after reading this I immediately messaged one of my old co workers and great friend. Hoping to connect more.
I did the same after reading this although I am
Introverted I can no longer make that an excuse. There’s good people out there and I aim to meet a few.
I'm not sure of the weather where you are, but perhaps sunbathing or walking could become a regular practice.
One of my intentions this year is to "let people in". I didn't understand what that meant when I was writing it down but trusted clues would come about in the new year. This was one of them!! Thank you thank you thank you <3
I am glad this gave you a push.
I don't let anyone in. Ever.
Because of my lack of trust and my upbringing, I've realized that it has kept me safe from "in-house fighting" with people I was closest to and all other outside distractions and drama at bay. But, on the other hand, it has left me quite alone.
I'm changing that this year, and reading this peace was a great start. I appreciate you, Nedra. Yet another banger!
Grateful.
I’ve learned. 😂
Keeping everyone away is not the best solution for preventing hurt. Loneliness is also hurtful.
This is so important for me in this season fo my life. I'm learning to pay attention to what letting people in looks like without dishonouring my boundaries.
🔥
What a great reminder and call in. I’m currently reading Ayşegül Savaș’ “The Anthropologists” and the narrator is grappling with the idea of community, what it looks like and feels like to be needed by someone else and vice versa, and our duty to romantic, platonic, and familial relationships (as well as duty to culture and places of origin/migration).
There was a scathing rebuke of therapy by a secondary character in a cafe scene, which I think the author used to make the same point you did here: there are limits to self-optimization, and it can put duty to yourself over duty to others.
So much to think about here. Thank you 🙏🏾
I enjoyed reading this article. Our lives are so much more meaningful and beautiful because of our friends far and near, family and neighbours.
This was so timely! After experiencing a very painful break up and some additionally interesting relationship experiences with aledged friends and family I have become more introverted than ever before. Just yesterday I was thinking that I need to get up and get out. Thanks for sharing this.
great post, and I love how it ties in with how our individualistic culture of self-improvement may actually prevent us from investing in meaningful relationships. When we are in crisis, we realize we need people, but that's often the hardest time to start building relationships from scratch.
“What a gift—to be sad, but not alone.” Very powerful perspective that is a great reminder to, let people in. Beautifully said, thanks for sharing Nedra 🫶🏽
Just read this out loud to my 21 y.o. daughter who has one more semester of college left. She is highly introverted and at times seems a little bit annoyed with hearing about the importance of making friends from me over the years. I’m thankful to let her know that it’s not just her mother’s opinion. Just celebrated 27 yrs of marriage and I must say that having a variety of lifelong friendships has saved me/us.
In what way has having those relationships helped your marriage?