Let People In

The importance of building relationships before we need them

This is the best photo I took while on holiday. I binged Emily in Paris and for now, will refer to breaks as holiday:)

Some of us are alone because we’re not inviting people into our lives. We’re not being vulnerable. We’re not including others in our daily activities and experiences. Then, when we need someone, there’s no one to turn to—because we never brought them in.

Part of this, I think, stems from the recent cultural focus on self-motivation, self-improvement, self-care, and even self-sabotage. We’ve gone through all the selfs and have become well-versed in prioritizing ourselves. While it’s true that we need time for introspection and self-care, we also need time with others. That’s the part we may have overlooked.

Focusing on ourselves doesn’t have to mean excluding everyone else. If we want people around later, we need to have them around now. I’ve heard people say, “Once my kids are older, I’ll start making friends.” But what happens if you need someone before then? What if it takes time for people to warm up to you and for friendships to grow? Waiting 20 years to build meaningful relationships isn’t a great strategy. Life ebbs and flows—you might see friends less or more at different times—but you should always have friends.

People can’t support you if they don’t know you’re struggling. They can’t be there for you if they don’t know they’re needed. It might feel embarrassing or vulnerable to admit you need others, but how else will they know? How else will you get the support you need?

When I was in college, I went through a breakup. Maybe it was a small breakup, or maybe it was a big one, but I was deep in my feelings. I listened to “Green Eyes” by Erykah Badu on repeat, crying and thinking I’d lost the love of my life. Then a friend called me, came over, and just sat with me while I cried. What a gift—to be sad, but not alone.

Another time, at one of the lowest points in my life, I received an invitation to a party. I had no desire to go, given how I was feeling, but I forced myself to show up. Once I was there, it wasn’t so bad. If I hadn’t gone, I would’ve been home crying alone. At least at the party, I laughed a little before going back to cry again.

Being in community with others can give us moments of relief from:

• Sadness

• Grief

• Anger

• Frustration

• Heartbreak

When we’re by ourselves, it’s easy to become consumed by our emotions. Sharing our thoughts with others can provide perspective, insight, and even comfort.

Include people in your life so that when you need them, they’re already there. Don’t wait for the big moments to lean on your community. Invite someone to go grocery shopping with you. Call a friend on an ordinary Tuesday to chat about dinner plans. Vulnerability doesn’t happen overnight—it’s built over time through consistent effort and connection. Nurture your relationships now, so they’re there when you need them later.

Journal Prompt

How do you build and nurture connections with people in your life?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• Why You Really Shouldn’t Expect ‘Closure’ After a Relationship Ends, by Jenna Ryu, in SELF.

• Want a Lasting Relationship? Start Doing This, A Couples Therapist Says, by Jordan Dann, LP in MindBodyGreen. 

• The Business Casual Yogi, by Vish Chatterji and Yogrishi Vishvketu. You can find this book on Amazon and Bookshop.