Thank you for this insight. I largely agree. But not entirely. What I’ve learned from my own experience is: Keep expectations low...but don’t stifle that little burning flame of hope. I think these two can coexist. I do notice when I lower my expectations it feels less severe when things don’t go my way. It also enables me to potentially see how maybe things ironically worked out in a much better way. But, I also see that flicker of hope and, when that flicker becomes temporarily extinguished, I agree with you: It’s healthy to allow yourself to feel that completely, in all its glorious pain/discomfort/disappointment.
My life in general right now hasn’t turned out the way I expected. But it’s interesting!
Love this SO much, Nedra. I tried my best not to get my hopes up in the beginning of my first pregnancy because "what if..." and thoughts of everything that could go wrong. I now have a beautiful almost two year old son and wish I hadn't "wasted" so much of my pregnancy suppressing my excitement over him and worrying. At the end of the day, it didn't serve me and wouldn't have helped had something gone wrong anyhow.
Thanks for this article! I'm definitely the kid who reined in my excitement or built up scenarios that could never meet my expectations. Seeing what is and appreciating the moment as it is has helped carve a path of full emotion without spikes or blunting the excitement. Thanks for all you do!
Thank you for the journal prompts. It reminded me of the tools I have accumulated after years of disappointment. Remembering to look at my reality as I feel the emotion is key to allowing myself to stay hopeful!
Thanks for that perspective. I find myself doing this often, it’s so easy to get caught up in everything that went wrong, that you become blinded to the joyous experiences that you will encounter. There is definitely power in your thoughts, I will try to be more aware in the presence of hope.
Thanks for sharing, Nedra! I have something *really* amazing coming up and I've been reeling in the joyful and excitement feelings to avoid potential disappointment of it not living up to the expectations in my mind. I appreciate the reminder of honoring my warranted gleeful feelings toward an opportunity that's going to be a big deal, regardless. Disallowing those feelings probably won't impact my feelings of potential disappointment anyway, right? This message found me at the right time—I so appreciate your work!
Something I think about, when I feel inclined to temper my hope, is that when/if things do go badly, I will be able to handle it. All things pass, the good and the bad and the inbetween and I find it helpful to remember that I am capable of encompassing all the feelings that arise. Reminds me of this quote I read years ago from Anne Morrow Lindbergh, "I am equal to my life." Thank you for sharing this post!
Disappointment seems like such an enormous cultural norm somehow — almost as if it’s become/ing a desirable personality trait. Sometimes, not always, it seems socially awkward or downright shameful to even have expectations or feel excited. I wonder what some of the biggest contributing factors are to disappointment.
I've noticed this, too! When some share personal hope and excitement with others, they're quick to take it down a notch... similar to those who avoid genuine compliments.
Thank you for this insight. I largely agree. But not entirely. What I’ve learned from my own experience is: Keep expectations low...but don’t stifle that little burning flame of hope. I think these two can coexist. I do notice when I lower my expectations it feels less severe when things don’t go my way. It also enables me to potentially see how maybe things ironically worked out in a much better way. But, I also see that flicker of hope and, when that flicker becomes temporarily extinguished, I agree with you: It’s healthy to allow yourself to feel that completely, in all its glorious pain/discomfort/disappointment.
My life in general right now hasn’t turned out the way I expected. But it’s interesting!
###
Michael Mohr
‘The Incompatibility of Being Alive’
https://reallife82.substack.com/
Gold nuggets Thx
Love this SO much, Nedra. I tried my best not to get my hopes up in the beginning of my first pregnancy because "what if..." and thoughts of everything that could go wrong. I now have a beautiful almost two year old son and wish I hadn't "wasted" so much of my pregnancy suppressing my excitement over him and worrying. At the end of the day, it didn't serve me and wouldn't have helped had something gone wrong anyhow.
I let myself feel the disappointment entirely then I dusted off my collar and accepted that God had better for me and HE SHO DID!!! ❤️🙏🏼
Thanks for this article! I'm definitely the kid who reined in my excitement or built up scenarios that could never meet my expectations. Seeing what is and appreciating the moment as it is has helped carve a path of full emotion without spikes or blunting the excitement. Thanks for all you do!
🙏
Spikes of excitement is good for your spirit. Perhaps, excitement is a way to nurture your inner child.
thanks for that! it's a great point. spirit spikes!
Thank you for the journal prompts. It reminded me of the tools I have accumulated after years of disappointment. Remembering to look at my reality as I feel the emotion is key to allowing myself to stay hopeful!
🔥❤️
Thanks for that perspective. I find myself doing this often, it’s so easy to get caught up in everything that went wrong, that you become blinded to the joyous experiences that you will encounter. There is definitely power in your thoughts, I will try to be more aware in the presence of hope.
You're welcome! Remaining hopeful despite the potential of things not working out requires a lot of gentleness and patience with yourself.
Thanks for sharing, Nedra! I have something *really* amazing coming up and I've been reeling in the joyful and excitement feelings to avoid potential disappointment of it not living up to the expectations in my mind. I appreciate the reminder of honoring my warranted gleeful feelings toward an opportunity that's going to be a big deal, regardless. Disallowing those feelings probably won't impact my feelings of potential disappointment anyway, right? This message found me at the right time—I so appreciate your work!
You are worthy of excitement. Live in it and rejoice. Challenge yourself to feel good about what's next.
Thank you for phrasing it that way, as I love a good challenge! 😏💛✨️
Something I think about, when I feel inclined to temper my hope, is that when/if things do go badly, I will be able to handle it. All things pass, the good and the bad and the inbetween and I find it helpful to remember that I am capable of encompassing all the feelings that arise. Reminds me of this quote I read years ago from Anne Morrow Lindbergh, "I am equal to my life." Thank you for sharing this post!
Yes 🙌
Disappointment seems like such an enormous cultural norm somehow — almost as if it’s become/ing a desirable personality trait. Sometimes, not always, it seems socially awkward or downright shameful to even have expectations or feel excited. I wonder what some of the biggest contributing factors are to disappointment.
I've noticed this, too! When some share personal hope and excitement with others, they're quick to take it down a notch... similar to those who avoid genuine compliments.