It’s Ok to Get Your Hopes Up

Why we need to stop avoiding disappointment

sending handwritten notes more often. it feels special when someone takes the time to write something for you. this card is from Melarie Odelusi

Before you read this week's newsletter, I want to inform you of a special pre-order offer with Drama Free. Pre-order now and receive a free chapter. See the offer here. 

I remember when I was a kid and my family would go to Cedar Point amusement park. Leading up to that trip there was so much excitement. The night before I could barely sleep, but I loved it. I could have avoided those feelings and instead focused on all of the things that could have gone wrong and resulted in the trip being canceled, but I didn’t. I let myself feel the joy that came with anticipating and preparing for that day at the park. 

So often I hear people saying things like:

• I don’t want to get my hopes up.

• I don’t want to get too excited. 

• I don’t want to be disappointed.

We say all of these things thinking that it will somehow prevent us from feeling bad when things don’t work out the way we wanted them to, but in doing so we keep ourselves from the good feelings that come with excitement. It’s not the best approach to ignore or avoid our desires by keeping our expectations low. The best way to manage your discomfort with disappointment is to let yourself feel it. Don’t run from it. 

It is understandable that we as human beings would want to avoid being disappointed. Disappointment can be sad, frustrating, and even heartbreaking, but there is no way to avoid it. Even when we’ve tried to avoid feeling hopeful, or getting excited, when the outcome isn’t the one we wanted, we still feel upset, whether we’re willing to admit it or not. We haven’t actually extinguished our feelings, we just haven’t acknowledged them. 

I was a huge fan of the show The Walking Dead, and hope was what kept that show on for as long as it was. No matter how bad things got, those people clung to the hope that things would get better, that they would find a place to call home, or that a cure would present itself. Hope kept them going. 

What a life we would live if we always kept our hopes low. Being hopeful is a really beautiful part of being human. We need it. 

Pre-order Drama Free

Journal Prompt

• What have you avoided being excited about because you feared the possibility of disappointment?

• What was a time when you felt really disappointed and how did you manage that disappointment?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• Finishing Things, from the Hi, It’s Elise newsletter written by Elise Loehnan.

• “I’m Tired of Dealing With Incompetent Co-workers,” by Kimberly Brown in The Cut. 

• Why Is It So Hard for Men to Make Close Friends? by Catherine Pearson in The New York Times.

• The Murdochs. You can watch this show on HBOMax.