I love an intense love - the more chalant the better. It all comes down to discernment at the end of the day because it is only love bombing when the relationship ends, but if you're three years in and the love is still intense, it's just love, and as a lover girl, I'm here for it.
Idk I don’t think I agree with this one. I understand that a new romantic connection is supposed to feel exciting however if it happens so quickly where you are wrapped up in each other almost immediately then, even if it isn’t done intentionally, I still consider that love bombing.
When you allow yourself to be consumed by new love some of (or all - I’ve been there 😅) your previous commitments get pushed aside and before you know it you haven’t been doing any of the things that used to make you happy when you were single. And that is almost always a recipe for disaster.
For those of you who it has worked out for, I’m glad that has been your experience but I think the opposite happens more often than not.
I want to have the thrill and excitement that comes with new love but the discipline to take it slow and get to know the person I’m getting to know.
Sometimes when you speed through it you end up in a relationship with someone that you don’t truly like (or doesn’t truly like you) and by the time you realize this you’re in way too deep and you feel like you can’t turn back now and would rather (try) to work on a relationship that will probably never work out.
I understand you mentioned that you can always communicate if you want to take things slow but idk I think that should always be the case - taking it slow - so you can take your time to make space for this new person to co-exist with you.
thank you kindly for your insight & sharing your interests. I too watched forever last month. I kept diagnosing the couple too …as young and newly ‘growing through love’. 💛🫶🏽✨
This was wonderful to read! I've experienced two relationships in particular that started out with extreme intensity. (All my other relationships were "meh" by comparison.) The first was love bombing. I was young, very inexperienced, and didn't understand how bad it was because most people nearby knew little about either of us because we were away at school & my selected closest friends were far away. What seemed exciting at first became abusive almost without me understanding what was happening this person quickly turned to isolation tactics and tried to direct major aspects of my life. It took a long time to realize what was happening and assert myself enough to leave, and they tried for a long time to lure me back in. By then I was certain I never wanted anything like that again.
The second person? This was a few years later and our meeting was complete happenstance and by the end of the first meeting, I knew it was love, for real. This sounds hyperbolic, but really, truly, I knew, and my feelings haven't changed. I knew the difference immediately because this person wanted to *know* everything about me as much as I wanted to *know* about them. We ran up enormous phone bills in the beginning and drove long distances to see each other for short visits while each of us was juggling a lot of other obligations, and they became one of my biggest cheerleaders as I pursued a very unconventional education and career path. They also told me, in no uncertain terms, long after we first met, that my brain made the rest of me even sexier--and they meant it. And best of all--I felt the same way about them. I doubt I will ever experience this with another person, and I am grateful for everything we have shared and the intensity of that love. No matter what's going on, we've always cheered for each other. I'd drop everything for them, anytime, anyplace, at one word because they have the most integrity and sincerity and honesty and kindness of anyone I've ever met. I know that not only can I live with their foibles (and they can live with mine) but also am certain they're deserving of every good thing in life and I want them to feel as blessed as I do for finding each other. I'm blessed to know them let alone have even a moment of being in love with them. Again, it sounds hyperbolic. But after all these years, it's still true. THAT's the difference!
Love this piece, thank you! There is so much new verbiage in this era to keep up with..It makes me long for simpler times when a boy and a girl met behind a tree and just decided to go steady..lol. I just love your suggestion pieces: Your IRL Dating Stories was a good listen.
Of course your relationship moved fast if you already knew each other for 2 years. Most people meet online these days. A slow burn is ok! Things dont have to be immediately on fire.
The timing of this is so perfect as I just started to get to know someone and after two dates he asked can we date exclusively. Thank you for this because I was stuck between, am I being love bombed or does this man just know what he wants.
Great post. Great topic. Real connection isn’t about over-the-top gestures or endless promises. Love bombing is codependency/anxious attachment dressed up in sweet words and big actions dovetailed with inconsistencies. If they’re not walking the talk, it’s not love—it’s a need for validation. True love generally takes time to build. However, of course there are always exceptions to the rule.
As I am constantly saying, "Context and nuance. CONTEXT AND NUANCE." 👌
I love an intense love - the more chalant the better. It all comes down to discernment at the end of the day because it is only love bombing when the relationship ends, but if you're three years in and the love is still intense, it's just love, and as a lover girl, I'm here for it.
Idk I don’t think I agree with this one. I understand that a new romantic connection is supposed to feel exciting however if it happens so quickly where you are wrapped up in each other almost immediately then, even if it isn’t done intentionally, I still consider that love bombing.
When you allow yourself to be consumed by new love some of (or all - I’ve been there 😅) your previous commitments get pushed aside and before you know it you haven’t been doing any of the things that used to make you happy when you were single. And that is almost always a recipe for disaster.
For those of you who it has worked out for, I’m glad that has been your experience but I think the opposite happens more often than not.
I want to have the thrill and excitement that comes with new love but the discipline to take it slow and get to know the person I’m getting to know.
Sometimes when you speed through it you end up in a relationship with someone that you don’t truly like (or doesn’t truly like you) and by the time you realize this you’re in way too deep and you feel like you can’t turn back now and would rather (try) to work on a relationship that will probably never work out.
I understand you mentioned that you can always communicate if you want to take things slow but idk I think that should always be the case - taking it slow - so you can take your time to make space for this new person to co-exist with you.
But that’s just my two cents though.
So glad to read your take on Forever. Such a cute series. Chalant me!
Another spot-on article. Nowadays "tik-tok psychology" is what people use to understand others and it's not accurate at all.
thank you kindly for your insight & sharing your interests. I too watched forever last month. I kept diagnosing the couple too …as young and newly ‘growing through love’. 💛🫶🏽✨
This was wonderful to read! I've experienced two relationships in particular that started out with extreme intensity. (All my other relationships were "meh" by comparison.) The first was love bombing. I was young, very inexperienced, and didn't understand how bad it was because most people nearby knew little about either of us because we were away at school & my selected closest friends were far away. What seemed exciting at first became abusive almost without me understanding what was happening this person quickly turned to isolation tactics and tried to direct major aspects of my life. It took a long time to realize what was happening and assert myself enough to leave, and they tried for a long time to lure me back in. By then I was certain I never wanted anything like that again.
The second person? This was a few years later and our meeting was complete happenstance and by the end of the first meeting, I knew it was love, for real. This sounds hyperbolic, but really, truly, I knew, and my feelings haven't changed. I knew the difference immediately because this person wanted to *know* everything about me as much as I wanted to *know* about them. We ran up enormous phone bills in the beginning and drove long distances to see each other for short visits while each of us was juggling a lot of other obligations, and they became one of my biggest cheerleaders as I pursued a very unconventional education and career path. They also told me, in no uncertain terms, long after we first met, that my brain made the rest of me even sexier--and they meant it. And best of all--I felt the same way about them. I doubt I will ever experience this with another person, and I am grateful for everything we have shared and the intensity of that love. No matter what's going on, we've always cheered for each other. I'd drop everything for them, anytime, anyplace, at one word because they have the most integrity and sincerity and honesty and kindness of anyone I've ever met. I know that not only can I live with their foibles (and they can live with mine) but also am certain they're deserving of every good thing in life and I want them to feel as blessed as I do for finding each other. I'm blessed to know them let alone have even a moment of being in love with them. Again, it sounds hyperbolic. But after all these years, it's still true. THAT's the difference!
PS: Hi Cooper! You're adorable!
That was beautiful, thank you
Interesting indeed how much we try to frame when there is no one formula.
Exactly, no formula works for everyone.
Love this piece, thank you! There is so much new verbiage in this era to keep up with..It makes me long for simpler times when a boy and a girl met behind a tree and just decided to go steady..lol. I just love your suggestion pieces: Your IRL Dating Stories was a good listen.
IRL Dating Stories made me teary. I love, love. I hope there's a part 2.
An important reminder to not throw around diagnoses!
Of course your relationship moved fast if you already knew each other for 2 years. Most people meet online these days. A slow burn is ok! Things dont have to be immediately on fire.
The timing of this is so perfect as I just started to get to know someone and after two dates he asked can we date exclusively. Thank you for this because I was stuck between, am I being love bombed or does this man just know what he wants.
Great post. Great topic. Real connection isn’t about over-the-top gestures or endless promises. Love bombing is codependency/anxious attachment dressed up in sweet words and big actions dovetailed with inconsistencies. If they’re not walking the talk, it’s not love—it’s a need for validation. True love generally takes time to build. However, of course there are always exceptions to the rule.
Absolutely Nedra! "Chalant me" please! 🥰 I want intensity, fire & desire, and the crackle of a slow burn. 🔥
CHALANT is right. Love this piece