This makes so much sense. So many parents manipulate their children the same way. They'll expect everything from their children without any effort or appreciation in return. I grew up with this manipulation amd only realized it in my late 30s that this was it.
Thanks for this. Bullet 2 though seems like it could be candor in an effort to build clarity and awareness. I see how it could be used as manipulation, but also an effort to enhance the relationship. Thoughts?
I had to think hard about this one, if someone is constantly making it known that they feel hurt by you not showing up and it sounds as gentle as "I feel sad b/c xyz" they should know by now its not going to change. Maybe that person doesnt want to show up in this way or maybe they dont like the parties you throw. The person who is sad could ask why they never come and if they open up thats great. If not, sad person should just re evaluate the relationship with them (meaning either accept they won't come to those parties or accept they cant meet your needs snd move on).
Greetings Nedra! The timing of this article, God sent! Thank you for the resources at the end because as I concluded my therapy session, this was my request of my therapist...but God said: "Nedra got you!" I'm so grateful and excited to see what gems I collect.
Very interesting! Personally, I’d have been interested in more specific examples such as in romantic relationships and what practical steps one can take to handle manipulation.
I can give you an example! My cousin came to town giving me one week's notice prior to her arrival. She expected me to drop everything to drive her around and spend time with her. I tried to rearrange my schedule to spend as much time as I could with her. When she got back home, she told me she was hurt that I didn’t make more time for her. However, she never thanked me for what I did do. This was manipulation, she had expectations for her trip that we're never expressed. Then she got mad at me for not for filling desires she never communicated.
Hi Rowan! Sharing our emotional state with others is helpful and the intention and frequency behind the sharing matters. People will hurt our feelings and it can be beneficial to communicate when you are hurt.
Please use this from above as a view of what makes sense:
"Manipulation becomes a problem when it becomes a pattern or way of being. From time to time a person may say something like, "I really wish you could come to my party. I'm so sad you can't make it," and they may say that because that's how they truly feel. However, if they say that every, single, time, now that speaks to a pattern of manipulation."
This makes so much sense. So many parents manipulate their children the same way. They'll expect everything from their children without any effort or appreciation in return. I grew up with this manipulation amd only realized it in my late 30s that this was it.
Thanks for this. Bullet 2 though seems like it could be candor in an effort to build clarity and awareness. I see how it could be used as manipulation, but also an effort to enhance the relationship. Thoughts?
I had to think hard about this one, if someone is constantly making it known that they feel hurt by you not showing up and it sounds as gentle as "I feel sad b/c xyz" they should know by now its not going to change. Maybe that person doesnt want to show up in this way or maybe they dont like the parties you throw. The person who is sad could ask why they never come and if they open up thats great. If not, sad person should just re evaluate the relationship with them (meaning either accept they won't come to those parties or accept they cant meet your needs snd move on).
Greetings Nedra! The timing of this article, God sent! Thank you for the resources at the end because as I concluded my therapy session, this was my request of my therapist...but God said: "Nedra got you!" I'm so grateful and excited to see what gems I collect.
I can't wait to listen to your new podcast episodes!
Very interesting! Personally, I’d have been interested in more specific examples such as in romantic relationships and what practical steps one can take to handle manipulation.
I can give you an example! My cousin came to town giving me one week's notice prior to her arrival. She expected me to drop everything to drive her around and spend time with her. I tried to rearrange my schedule to spend as much time as I could with her. When she got back home, she told me she was hurt that I didn’t make more time for her. However, she never thanked me for what I did do. This was manipulation, she had expectations for her trip that we're never expressed. Then she got mad at me for not for filling desires she never communicated.
Thanks! Good example.
Hi Rowan! Sharing our emotional state with others is helpful and the intention and frequency behind the sharing matters. People will hurt our feelings and it can be beneficial to communicate when you are hurt.
Please use this from above as a view of what makes sense:
"Manipulation becomes a problem when it becomes a pattern or way of being. From time to time a person may say something like, "I really wish you could come to my party. I'm so sad you can't make it," and they may say that because that's how they truly feel. However, if they say that every, single, time, now that speaks to a pattern of manipulation."
When only 1 person is reciprocal isn’t that giving into one sided relationships? Which had the other always being available?