This is such an important one. For years I tried to help my dad by sending him videos and books that I felt would help him change. Part of that was sincere in the hopes that it would help him evolve and grow, part of it was manipulation because I wanted him to see the error of his ways. I hoped that by showing him certain things it would help him realise.
Now I see that you cannot change anyone and nor should you want to. It is a tiresome game to play. Each soul is here on their own journey of self exploration and growth. They will not embrace change until they are ready to. It is a decision only they can make regardless of how good the resources are that are available to them.
I’ve realised 3 things about this:
1. The only thing I can do is continue to walk the path and allow my evolution to serve as inspiration for others to change in a healthy way
2. Only when the time is right for then will someone truly decide to make a change
3. Unhealthy behaviour from others is teaching me love unconditionally even in the toughest of times
This is good 👌. In the past I have sent book recommendations only to be met with stoney silence. Some people are just not aware or are in denial. It's not up to me to get people to change. I come from an enmeshed family who are estranged and have read extensively on the subject and there is often the temptation to forward articles onto my siblings but the response would be one of ridicule. I have learned we all have our own path.
I totally feel you on this Sue! So happy you’ve come to this realisation and released the burden of needing to change anyone. It’s a tiresome game. We can only change ourselves and allow that to inspire change around us
Its a delicate balance to encourage someone to change without giving them the message: you are not good enough as you are. Or worse, that my love is conditional on performing a certain way. (I’m not talking about violence or self-harm, but less immediately urgent dysfunctions.) i hang on to my perspective by wondering what my invisible-to-me dysfunctions might be, seen through their eyes.
Nedra, Changing oneself can be hard. Changing others - I wonder if that is my place. Yet, I write - for what purpose. I believe I write to present ideas and perspectives, inviting the reader to take a look at this or that. Thank you for your thought provoking words. D
"We can not force a person to be ready no matter how many tools we give them. We each have to make the decision to change and to heal on our own". These words alone are so full of truth that it deserves to be the subject of a separate blog post, lol. I've discovered that personal development and healing are things that must be accomplished on one's own because you can't make other people do the work necessary to advance themselves. We all have to be committed to do the work. Thank you for giving us "Drama Free" Nedra, because healing is needed worldwide more than ever!
Oof, I remember when I gifted my cousin All About Love by bell hooks and she didn't say anything. No thank you, nothing. We had been drifting apart and had a few falling outs over the years and I really thought I was helping her by sharing with her a book that changed by life. In hindsight, I know she was nowhere near ready for it and as much as I wish we could go on a healing journey together, this reminds me that everyone must willingly walk their own path. Thank you!
This is such an important one. For years I tried to help my dad by sending him videos and books that I felt would help him change. Part of that was sincere in the hopes that it would help him evolve and grow, part of it was manipulation because I wanted him to see the error of his ways. I hoped that by showing him certain things it would help him realise.
Now I see that you cannot change anyone and nor should you want to. It is a tiresome game to play. Each soul is here on their own journey of self exploration and growth. They will not embrace change until they are ready to. It is a decision only they can make regardless of how good the resources are that are available to them.
I’ve realised 3 things about this:
1. The only thing I can do is continue to walk the path and allow my evolution to serve as inspiration for others to change in a healthy way
2. Only when the time is right for then will someone truly decide to make a change
3. Unhealthy behaviour from others is teaching me love unconditionally even in the toughest of times
Loved this one, Nedra. Thanks for sharing
That live closer to your friends article was great!! So grateful for that. Moving here changed my life for sure.
This is good 👌. In the past I have sent book recommendations only to be met with stoney silence. Some people are just not aware or are in denial. It's not up to me to get people to change. I come from an enmeshed family who are estranged and have read extensively on the subject and there is often the temptation to forward articles onto my siblings but the response would be one of ridicule. I have learned we all have our own path.
I totally feel you on this Sue! So happy you’ve come to this realisation and released the burden of needing to change anyone. It’s a tiresome game. We can only change ourselves and allow that to inspire change around us
Its a delicate balance to encourage someone to change without giving them the message: you are not good enough as you are. Or worse, that my love is conditional on performing a certain way. (I’m not talking about violence or self-harm, but less immediately urgent dysfunctions.) i hang on to my perspective by wondering what my invisible-to-me dysfunctions might be, seen through their eyes.
Nedra, Changing oneself can be hard. Changing others - I wonder if that is my place. Yet, I write - for what purpose. I believe I write to present ideas and perspectives, inviting the reader to take a look at this or that. Thank you for your thought provoking words. D
"We can not force a person to be ready no matter how many tools we give them. We each have to make the decision to change and to heal on our own". These words alone are so full of truth that it deserves to be the subject of a separate blog post, lol. I've discovered that personal development and healing are things that must be accomplished on one's own because you can't make other people do the work necessary to advance themselves. We all have to be committed to do the work. Thank you for giving us "Drama Free" Nedra, because healing is needed worldwide more than ever!
Oof, I remember when I gifted my cousin All About Love by bell hooks and she didn't say anything. No thank you, nothing. We had been drifting apart and had a few falling outs over the years and I really thought I was helping her by sharing with her a book that changed by life. In hindsight, I know she was nowhere near ready for it and as much as I wish we could go on a healing journey together, this reminds me that everyone must willingly walk their own path. Thank you!
People change in their own time, not ours.