I was definitely auditioning with my last relationship. He had narcissistic tendencies and had me feeling crazy about several situations. In hindsight the auditioning actually helped me to sort through the issues.
One thing I am practicing is how it works better for me if I check in with myself, rather than avoid via auditioning/processing/venting. This can lead to drilling down to what is really going on. When I support myself directly, I can be more mindful of when/how/from whom I seek feedback.
This one really got under my skin—in the best way. I've definitely found myself “auditioning” complaints, often without realizing it. Sometimes it's fear masquerading as processing, and other times it's just a stalling tactic while I build the courage to be direct.
What hit hardest was your point about how the audience matters. I’ve gotten advice that inflamed me instead of grounding me, because I brought my audition to someone still rehearsing their own wounds.
Thanks for the clarity, Nedra. This post made me want to stop rehearsing and start having the real conversations
This is excellent! I remember for years, probably decades, talking to my sister-in-law about the dynamics of my relationship with my mother and sister instead of acting on it! Lesson definitely learned. The issues never got resolved.
This letter stopped me in my tracks and I spent some time reflecting and the journal prompt was spot on to help guide me with more direct communication. Thank you for taking the time to share.
"Who you audition in front of matters" - never a truer word spoken! This right here can tear relationships apart totally. I had a friend of 20 years that would always voice her frustrations about our friendship with everyone but me, and in the end we ended the friendship with her being totally wrong about everything about us just because she didn't know how to have a direct conversation with other people (this stemmed from her childhood traumas of not being heard and seen).
But it is so important to just talk to each other. I see so many people "auditioning" their thoughts through posts on Facebook and Instagram, and I often wonder, do they talk about it as much as they post it.. I tend to journal everything, and then when it makes sense or I am no longer in the heat of it, I delve right in and that might not work for everyone, but neither does avoiding the inevitable. Just as you rightly stated, Nedra, "...at the end of the day, the most effective way to resolve an issue is to talk directly to the person involved. No one else can fix it for us."
Yes I'm currently auditioning. And I haven't figured out how to handle the situation yet. But I know processing aloud helps me figure things out. But you mentioned the person's we speak to matter because their experiences shift or persuade our thinking abilities and its true especially if you have negative control from lack of internal boundaries. I know for me I'm the type if you start it I'll finish it mentality or if it's really bugging me I'll speak up. And so often we work hard to build up courage all for us to have fear of another person's reactions and feelings because we don't want to hurt them but continue hurting our own feelings - is that not self abuse? The more we care about certain folks the harder to confront the less the easier it is.
We won't know the other person's reactions until we speak up but at least we have had our say. Your last sentence speaks volumes, but we need to get past that fear and trust that what we have to say is important. It's about being heard and seen.
This is wisdom. And oh so true. Sometimes people pitch the role to you and then schedule you for the audition just to back out. It’s wild and at my age I can only hold space for direct action and communication.
That's a good boundary for your peace holding space for direct action and communication. I'm starting to get into a belief that I want folks to follow through on thoughtful intention and say what you mean and mean what you say then follow up. So thank you for sharing this inspires me.
I was definitely auditioning with my last relationship. He had narcissistic tendencies and had me feeling crazy about several situations. In hindsight the auditioning actually helped me to sort through the issues.
One thing I am practicing is how it works better for me if I check in with myself, rather than avoid via auditioning/processing/venting. This can lead to drilling down to what is really going on. When I support myself directly, I can be more mindful of when/how/from whom I seek feedback.
This one really got under my skin—in the best way. I've definitely found myself “auditioning” complaints, often without realizing it. Sometimes it's fear masquerading as processing, and other times it's just a stalling tactic while I build the courage to be direct.
What hit hardest was your point about how the audience matters. I’ve gotten advice that inflamed me instead of grounding me, because I brought my audition to someone still rehearsing their own wounds.
Thanks for the clarity, Nedra. This post made me want to stop rehearsing and start having the real conversations
Excellent advice. Thank you!
This is excellent! I remember for years, probably decades, talking to my sister-in-law about the dynamics of my relationship with my mother and sister instead of acting on it! Lesson definitely learned. The issues never got resolved.
Loved this. I do find myself sharing certain things with certain people, depending on the outcome and or reaction that I am seeking.
This letter stopped me in my tracks and I spent some time reflecting and the journal prompt was spot on to help guide me with more direct communication. Thank you for taking the time to share.
"Who you audition in front of matters" - never a truer word spoken! This right here can tear relationships apart totally. I had a friend of 20 years that would always voice her frustrations about our friendship with everyone but me, and in the end we ended the friendship with her being totally wrong about everything about us just because she didn't know how to have a direct conversation with other people (this stemmed from her childhood traumas of not being heard and seen).
But it is so important to just talk to each other. I see so many people "auditioning" their thoughts through posts on Facebook and Instagram, and I often wonder, do they talk about it as much as they post it.. I tend to journal everything, and then when it makes sense or I am no longer in the heat of it, I delve right in and that might not work for everyone, but neither does avoiding the inevitable. Just as you rightly stated, Nedra, "...at the end of the day, the most effective way to resolve an issue is to talk directly to the person involved. No one else can fix it for us."
Yes I'm currently auditioning. And I haven't figured out how to handle the situation yet. But I know processing aloud helps me figure things out. But you mentioned the person's we speak to matter because their experiences shift or persuade our thinking abilities and its true especially if you have negative control from lack of internal boundaries. I know for me I'm the type if you start it I'll finish it mentality or if it's really bugging me I'll speak up. And so often we work hard to build up courage all for us to have fear of another person's reactions and feelings because we don't want to hurt them but continue hurting our own feelings - is that not self abuse? The more we care about certain folks the harder to confront the less the easier it is.
We won't know the other person's reactions until we speak up but at least we have had our say. Your last sentence speaks volumes, but we need to get past that fear and trust that what we have to say is important. It's about being heard and seen.
This is wisdom. And oh so true. Sometimes people pitch the role to you and then schedule you for the audition just to back out. It’s wild and at my age I can only hold space for direct action and communication.
That's a good boundary for your peace holding space for direct action and communication. I'm starting to get into a belief that I want folks to follow through on thoughtful intention and say what you mean and mean what you say then follow up. So thank you for sharing this inspires me.
I loved this letter. I think I was literally doing this last week so it's helpful to gain more perspective ♥️
Very Insightful