I want to help others but I don’t need to for my identity or satisfaction. I don’t thrive on helping, so it’s not a need. I enjoyed my work seeing clients, but I enjoyed my time more.
In other examples, I often “want” dessert, but I certainly don’t “need” it! For more substance, I “want” the relationship with my wife, but I don’t “need” it (Though I love and value her and our relationship tremendously, I would survive without her - and yes, we share this opinion!).
We live in a hamster wheel society where being busy is the definition of success. The more you have going on, the better. This narrative feeds into our self-worth. I know for me personally I’ve struggled to slow down because I think I’m “wasting time” and that it isn’t “productive” to rest. But it’s about trusting our own rhythm and redefining what success means to us. The finish line is death, so why are we obsessed with moving so fast? 🙏🏽
Loved, loved your post concerning retirement. Retirement date for me was 6/6/22. Finding a little hard to adjust at 74 yrs. Adult children who I love have lots of suggestions. Also caring for my 94 yr old Mom. 😂🙏🏾
Reading this nugget definitely made me take my time. It is that GOOD. Nourishing even. Thank you for this wholesome gem “ I may not be changing the world but I am changing myself”.
I retired 3 years ago at age 62. As a therapist, I struggled a bit with leaving my clients, but knew it was time. I have picked up a hobby (buying and reselling goods), have made going to the gym a scheduled activity and am able to contemplate and prepare my meals in a relaxed manner.
Since retiring, I’ve noticed that very few counselors retire!! When I have asked why, I get different responses, from “work keeps me alive” to “there’s more for me to do!” I have to wonder if our desire to focus on and help others keeps us from caring for ourselves?
I wonder if they’ve become so attached to the identity of being a “therapist” etc that they’re afraid of who they’ll be if they let go of it. What if their best work was yet to come? What if by letting go of this chapter they opened the pathway to a new one that was awaiting them? The known/familiar territory is safe and can becomes a place that suffocates our potential because we don’t allow ourselves to dream beyond the horizon...
It certainly could be…I have struggles with the change of identity myself…I still work part time for my previous employer mentoring clinical supervisors and still do some training for them and our state counseling associations. However, I really value my time so I’m backing off slowly.
I think many people struggle with this issue when they retire. What helped me is I learned about my own codependency over the years which helped me re-evaluate my role as a helper. I learned not to take on the burden of my clients problems which helped me be more objective.
The other part of this is that I have built a rich life outside of work that I enjoy so retirement was a no-brainer for me (I worked to live vs. lived to work). Now is the time I do what I want rather than what I need, and that does not involve taking care of other people who are not my family or friends.
It’s so essential to recognise that work is a part of life, not the whole of it. I’m glad you have a rich life outside that space to embrace. I’m curious, for you personally what’s the difference between what you “want” vs what you “need”?
Therapists/counselors indeed work in a field where retirement is optional. Being a more seasoned professional is the norm, and I am one of those people leaning toward being in the field for a long-time. However, I only see clients 1.5 days a week, which will likely decrease as the years go on. Work looks different after retirement...gardening, doing nothing, grandparenting, or having a small caseload. The beauty of life is being able to design what feels best for you.
Loved this, thank you Nedra
YES to this!
I want to help others but I don’t need to for my identity or satisfaction. I don’t thrive on helping, so it’s not a need. I enjoyed my work seeing clients, but I enjoyed my time more.
In other examples, I often “want” dessert, but I certainly don’t “need” it! For more substance, I “want” the relationship with my wife, but I don’t “need” it (Though I love and value her and our relationship tremendously, I would survive without her - and yes, we share this opinion!).
We live in a hamster wheel society where being busy is the definition of success. The more you have going on, the better. This narrative feeds into our self-worth. I know for me personally I’ve struggled to slow down because I think I’m “wasting time” and that it isn’t “productive” to rest. But it’s about trusting our own rhythm and redefining what success means to us. The finish line is death, so why are we obsessed with moving so fast? 🙏🏽
This comment resonated with me so much. Thank you for writing it ❤️
You’re so welcome 😊🙏🏽
I'm right there with you in the season of rest, Nedra...
Loved, loved your post concerning retirement. Retirement date for me was 6/6/22. Finding a little hard to adjust at 74 yrs. Adult children who I love have lots of suggestions. Also caring for my 94 yr old Mom. 😂🙏🏾
Hey Sharon! What if the ending of one chapter was the beginning of a new one? What if this is an opportunity to dream a new dream?
What are you exploring in this new season of life?
Reading this nugget definitely made me take my time. It is that GOOD. Nourishing even. Thank you for this wholesome gem “ I may not be changing the world but I am changing myself”.
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Congratulations for supporting yourself, Emme!
I retired 3 years ago at age 62. As a therapist, I struggled a bit with leaving my clients, but knew it was time. I have picked up a hobby (buying and reselling goods), have made going to the gym a scheduled activity and am able to contemplate and prepare my meals in a relaxed manner.
Since retiring, I’ve noticed that very few counselors retire!! When I have asked why, I get different responses, from “work keeps me alive” to “there’s more for me to do!” I have to wonder if our desire to focus on and help others keeps us from caring for ourselves?
I wonder if they’ve become so attached to the identity of being a “therapist” etc that they’re afraid of who they’ll be if they let go of it. What if their best work was yet to come? What if by letting go of this chapter they opened the pathway to a new one that was awaiting them? The known/familiar territory is safe and can becomes a place that suffocates our potential because we don’t allow ourselves to dream beyond the horizon...
It certainly could be…I have struggles with the change of identity myself…I still work part time for my previous employer mentoring clinical supervisors and still do some training for them and our state counseling associations. However, I really value my time so I’m backing off slowly.
I think many people struggle with this issue when they retire. What helped me is I learned about my own codependency over the years which helped me re-evaluate my role as a helper. I learned not to take on the burden of my clients problems which helped me be more objective.
The other part of this is that I have built a rich life outside of work that I enjoy so retirement was a no-brainer for me (I worked to live vs. lived to work). Now is the time I do what I want rather than what I need, and that does not involve taking care of other people who are not my family or friends.
It’s so essential to recognise that work is a part of life, not the whole of it. I’m glad you have a rich life outside that space to embrace. I’m curious, for you personally what’s the difference between what you “want” vs what you “need”?
Therapists/counselors indeed work in a field where retirement is optional. Being a more seasoned professional is the norm, and I am one of those people leaning toward being in the field for a long-time. However, I only see clients 1.5 days a week, which will likely decrease as the years go on. Work looks different after retirement...gardening, doing nothing, grandparenting, or having a small caseload. The beauty of life is being able to design what feels best for you.
I love this! I feel more relaxed, even just reading it :-)
Yes, that's the hope.
🙏🏼