‘Tis The Season for Reflection

Setting healthy intentions for the year ahead

recent visit to the empire state building

The end of the year is a deeply reflective time for most of us. Spotify is telling us about all the music we listened to. Even my little workout app is telling me about the workouts I did and what my performance was like. We’re getting all this feedback about who we were this year and what we did, and although this is wonderful information, it’s also important to remember that the focus of next year’s goals should not be to top this year’s. We can choose to top last year, but we don’t have to. Just because we did 100 jumping jacks this year doesn’t mean we need to do 101 next year. We can keep the same goal, or we can even set a goal to do less. 

I’m a person who loves to read and the number of books I read this year is a little bit less than the number of books I read the previous year. Part of what contributed to that was that this was a busier year. So, I’m giving myself some grace for reading less. I just haven’t had the time, and sometimes I’m not in a reading mood. When we’re looking at these indicators, comparing one year to another, we have to take into account what happened in that year. 

Ask yourself questions about the content of your year before you begin your comparison. Did you: 

• Lose someone?

• Become a new parent?

• Have a really hard friend breakup?

• Travel a lot?

• Get a health diagnosis?

• Transition to a new job or career?

• Move?

There are so many things that impact who we are in a year and if we’re only looking at stats from one year to the next, we are not being fair to ourselves. We have to account for the fact that life will cause some things to have to pause. Sometimes life will slow us down, and that is ok. Every year does not have to look the same. 

Consider the following as you are reflecting:

What are some of the big boundaries you set this year? 

One of the things I think I’ve done a fairly good job of this year is not repeating the same problem. I think that sometimes in relationships or circumstances, there is this expectation that things will get better. When I get on my exercise machine, it tells me to do a particular exercise. If I notice on the first set that I’m struggling and it doesn’t feel right in my body I’m not going to continue doing it. I move on to the next one. I don’t want to repeat stuff that’s not working. If it doesn’t feel right it’s possible I may be doing myself harm. Ask yourself what boundaries you set this year, and what boundaries need to be set or reinforced in the year to come. 

What is your real goal? What is behind the goal?

If I have a book goal and I am reading a book that I’m just not enjoying, I will stop reading it. I don’t care if I told myself I was going to read 27 books that year. I would rather come up short than continue with a book that’s not for me. I don’t just read anything. My real goal is to be well-read and that can happen whether I read 22 books or 30. Ask yourself who you desire to be in addition to what you want to do. 

What do I want my life to look like?

I like to ask myself what I want my life to look like and feel like this time next year in all the different areas: career, relationships with my family, relationships with my partner, travel, friendships, spirituality, finances. I create a clear measurable picture of the life I am envisioning. I taught a whole class on Skillshare called, “Reach Your Goals: 7 Personal Development Exercises to Build a Life You Love,” which can help you create that vision for yourself. 

Here are some other questions you can ask yourself when you reflect on the previous year and consider the year ahead:

• What’s important to you?

• What has worked this year? 

• What hasn’t worked?

• What do you want more of?

• What do you want less of?

• Who do you want to spend more time with?

• Who do you want to spend less time with?

None of the goals or intentions we come up with for the new year have to be hard and fast rules. They are just things to keep in the front of our minds. We don’t have to do or be all these things all at once, or even ever, but they can give us something to work toward. 

Journal Prompt

• How do you feel about how you showed up for yourself and your loved ones this year?

• How do you want to feel about yourself next year?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• The Art of Gathering, by Priya Parker. One of my intentions is to gather more thoughtfully. This book is helpful in that pursuit. You can find it on Amazon and Bookshop.

• The Joy of Underperforming, by Olga Khazan in The Atlantic. 

• Discipline by Adding on the Myleik Teele podcast. You can listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you stream podcasts.

  

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