Again, thank you Nedra. I so enjoy the fluidity and clarity of your writing. My favorite point is number one that boundaries are for me. When I protect myself and set boundaries, I find that I have more freedom. Establishing boundaries is not supposed to be restrictive or constricting instead, it is supposed to provide liberation so that I can be me and live my life the way that I want to. Establishing boundaries enables me to do just that. Thanks also for the recommendation last week of Survival of the Thickest on Netflix.
I had just begun to watch the series when I came across your recommendation. It is a fabulous show especially episode number six which includes a segment on boundaries. Continue to write and I will continue to read.
It's easy to replace the word boundary with the word barrier. I see boundaries as healthy for self-preservation in the sometimes chaotic world. Healthy boundaries allow for conversation and interactions within the limitations we set for ourselves. "Don't call me after 9 pm" or "I'd like a heads up before you come over" are not saying "no" just saying "not right now." On the other hand, the barrier is a wall that can emotionally divide people without communication or interaction.
I think people also take some of the examples of setting boundaries in your book as a script whereas I took it as more of a template. I've seen comments from people saying, "oh, that sounds cold" or "I couldn't say that." Tailor it to how you talk while still maintaining the boundary. I know it's easier if someone just tells us what to say but we need to do a *little* work. :)
#3 is tricky. What is if they're manipulating you in the name of boundaries.
Ex. a friend saying she wants to partner with you for a project. Doesn't communicate that she is reconsidering if it's good for her to partner for a project then when you ask about it you get a message "we agreed to commit to setting boundaries and I'm happy we are doing this side by side but I want to put myself in vulnerable situations with this project and therefore won't be available for you for anything regarding this project".
This is a boundary. But it's set on me, not on the person placing the boundary for themselves and it's gaslighting and manipulation at its best. Maybe thats what this person is trying to say. Of course it goes back to #1 that boundaries are for oneself. But I think it's important for this to be addressed because people do that and it's painful. This is not how setting boundaries should look; controlling, reactive, non compassionate. I'd be happy to hear your thoughts
This is inspiring and educative.
Excellent advice on a truly tricky subject!
Again, thank you Nedra. I so enjoy the fluidity and clarity of your writing. My favorite point is number one that boundaries are for me. When I protect myself and set boundaries, I find that I have more freedom. Establishing boundaries is not supposed to be restrictive or constricting instead, it is supposed to provide liberation so that I can be me and live my life the way that I want to. Establishing boundaries enables me to do just that. Thanks also for the recommendation last week of Survival of the Thickest on Netflix.
I had just begun to watch the series when I came across your recommendation. It is a fabulous show especially episode number six which includes a segment on boundaries. Continue to write and I will continue to read.
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I'm glad to hear you're enjoying Survival of the Thickest. I've also been enjoying And Just Like That on HBO.
☹️ No HBO. Thanks for the recommendation. I’ll check with my local library.
It's easy to replace the word boundary with the word barrier. I see boundaries as healthy for self-preservation in the sometimes chaotic world. Healthy boundaries allow for conversation and interactions within the limitations we set for ourselves. "Don't call me after 9 pm" or "I'd like a heads up before you come over" are not saying "no" just saying "not right now." On the other hand, the barrier is a wall that can emotionally divide people without communication or interaction.
I think people also take some of the examples of setting boundaries in your book as a script whereas I took it as more of a template. I've seen comments from people saying, "oh, that sounds cold" or "I couldn't say that." Tailor it to how you talk while still maintaining the boundary. I know it's easier if someone just tells us what to say but we need to do a *little* work. :)
There is freedom in how you speak your boundaries.
#3 is tricky. What is if they're manipulating you in the name of boundaries.
Ex. a friend saying she wants to partner with you for a project. Doesn't communicate that she is reconsidering if it's good for her to partner for a project then when you ask about it you get a message "we agreed to commit to setting boundaries and I'm happy we are doing this side by side but I want to put myself in vulnerable situations with this project and therefore won't be available for you for anything regarding this project".
This is a boundary. But it's set on me, not on the person placing the boundary for themselves and it's gaslighting and manipulation at its best. Maybe thats what this person is trying to say. Of course it goes back to #1 that boundaries are for oneself. But I think it's important for this to be addressed because people do that and it's painful. This is not how setting boundaries should look; controlling, reactive, non compassionate. I'd be happy to hear your thoughts