That was a great read. "Keeping yourself to yourself" is such a great phrase; it shows how in some cases, our whole sense of self/personality is hidden. And it's pretty lonely. That's why I believe writing/art is a way of becoming a subtle externalizer.
I think the craving for self-expression is actually a craving for connection.
In the past 4 years, I've experienced a tremendous amount of hardship. I've been doing "self" reflection work since I was in my 20's, almost 40 now. I went out of my comfort zone and shared with my family what I was going through and it was like crickets, no one extended a hand or offering. I couldn't believe it. This is why I've never wanted to share my personal life with them. I stay quiet and don't tell me them much, because I feel it's never been heard or received, for my entire life. The only outlet I feel I've ever had is a therapit/mental health professional through hard periods. It feels very alone, and no matter how much I change the narrative for myself, we just can't change other people.
Thank you for posting this, Nedra. This post struck me so much that I've shared it with several people. I definitely live inside my head and keep myself to myself. Recently I've had a health issue (still waiting to find out if it's serious) and I waited for a long time to tell my loved ones. This past week I had to go in for testing and finally decided to mention it. Part of my reasons for hiding it was not knowing if it's "serious enough" to warrant a discussion. Part of it was that I hate all the millions of questions that I was certain would be forthcoming. Well, last week I finally my mom and my best friend, and both their reactions were fairly...neutral. All that worrying for nothing! People are complex, and they change--you can't predict people's reactions to everything. All you can do is say what you need to say and hope that people will be supportive. Anyway, thank you for this and I can't wait to hear more from you.
This is something that reasonates strongly with me. I have always kept myself to myself, in many ways I found it easier to deal with life's up and downs alone.
I'm not anti social but I've never sought out circles of friends and on the whole amount more of an animal person.
I live in a very small village and yesterday I was told a house had been sold to an English mother and daughter - and for probably the first time in my life, I did the neighbourly thing and popped down to introduce myself. Never too late to make changes!
Thank you, Nedra. I am older and I do this and I know it is unsettling to my children. You have thoughtful suggestions for the why and the how to change. They are capable adults and it does not help them for me to 'protect' them from worrying. It is important to let people in.
I used to do this because I wanted others to be curious and care enough about me to reach out, check in and inquire about what's going on with me. That made me feel like I mattered to them. Many times this approach left me disappointed and lonely. So I had no choice but to speak up more. I've figured out the balance of it all. Yet I still feel this insecurity because I have to make others see me.
This hit home for me, especially the last week, as I was holding in some extremely (unjustified) anxiety causing thoughts from my husband, but I did end up talking with him. I internalize everything and rarely share anything. I feel so much better when I do share, need more practice!
No one wanted me to talk about anything in my family. There was someone I was friends with who knew how to sit with me in my suffering. We haven't spoken in a year at least.
I have a friend now that encourages me to say whatever I need to. I'm blessed.
Nedra, when I read the title, I thought it was about creativity and self-expression; about not keeping our work to ourselves. But the advice to not keep our selves to ourselves is even more profound. Thank you for sharing, and what a beautiful quote!
That was a great read. "Keeping yourself to yourself" is such a great phrase; it shows how in some cases, our whole sense of self/personality is hidden. And it's pretty lonely. That's why I believe writing/art is a way of becoming a subtle externalizer.
I think the craving for self-expression is actually a craving for connection.
I love this title!
I have been keeping myself to myself for long time. It feels suffocated. Thanks for writing this. Great reminder to loosen up a bit.
very helpful
Thanks for sharing!
In the past 4 years, I've experienced a tremendous amount of hardship. I've been doing "self" reflection work since I was in my 20's, almost 40 now. I went out of my comfort zone and shared with my family what I was going through and it was like crickets, no one extended a hand or offering. I couldn't believe it. This is why I've never wanted to share my personal life with them. I stay quiet and don't tell me them much, because I feel it's never been heard or received, for my entire life. The only outlet I feel I've ever had is a therapit/mental health professional through hard periods. It feels very alone, and no matter how much I change the narrative for myself, we just can't change other people.
Thank you for posting this, Nedra. This post struck me so much that I've shared it with several people. I definitely live inside my head and keep myself to myself. Recently I've had a health issue (still waiting to find out if it's serious) and I waited for a long time to tell my loved ones. This past week I had to go in for testing and finally decided to mention it. Part of my reasons for hiding it was not knowing if it's "serious enough" to warrant a discussion. Part of it was that I hate all the millions of questions that I was certain would be forthcoming. Well, last week I finally my mom and my best friend, and both their reactions were fairly...neutral. All that worrying for nothing! People are complex, and they change--you can't predict people's reactions to everything. All you can do is say what you need to say and hope that people will be supportive. Anyway, thank you for this and I can't wait to hear more from you.
What a gem❤️
This is something that reasonates strongly with me. I have always kept myself to myself, in many ways I found it easier to deal with life's up and downs alone.
I'm not anti social but I've never sought out circles of friends and on the whole amount more of an animal person.
I live in a very small village and yesterday I was told a house had been sold to an English mother and daughter - and for probably the first time in my life, I did the neighbourly thing and popped down to introduce myself. Never too late to make changes!
Thank you, Nedra. I am older and I do this and I know it is unsettling to my children. You have thoughtful suggestions for the why and the how to change. They are capable adults and it does not help them for me to 'protect' them from worrying. It is important to let people in.
I used to do this because I wanted others to be curious and care enough about me to reach out, check in and inquire about what's going on with me. That made me feel like I mattered to them. Many times this approach left me disappointed and lonely. So I had no choice but to speak up more. I've figured out the balance of it all. Yet I still feel this insecurity because I have to make others see me.
will definitely need to use "we can’t tell people how to pick their worries" on loved ones!
This hit home for me, especially the last week, as I was holding in some extremely (unjustified) anxiety causing thoughts from my husband, but I did end up talking with him. I internalize everything and rarely share anything. I feel so much better when I do share, need more practice!
This really resonated with me and is something I have thought about for a while myself. Thank you for articulating it so well ☺️
Ty for such valuable information.
No one wanted me to talk about anything in my family. There was someone I was friends with who knew how to sit with me in my suffering. We haven't spoken in a year at least.
I have a friend now that encourages me to say whatever I need to. I'm blessed.
Nedra, when I read the title, I thought it was about creativity and self-expression; about not keeping our work to ourselves. But the advice to not keep our selves to ourselves is even more profound. Thank you for sharing, and what a beautiful quote!