Staying Present in Our Lives

The importance of noticing and appreciating where we are and what we have

During the early days of the pandemic, I remember reading articles about people working from home in New York City, resorting to having meetings in their bathtubs. They would set up their computers in the bathroom because it was the only place in the house where they could find privacy, given the number of people living there. People had to create all kinds of makeshift offices and workspaces, leading to some truly unique ideas about how to use space. I mention this because sometimes, unless we’re in dire situations, we don’t fully appreciate where we are or what we have.

the office where i see clients

I recall when I was in college, I lived in the same apartment for about five years. To this day, I sometimes regret moving because my rent was so cheap—one of my biggest regrets, actually. As I prepared to move into my new place, I found myself starting to value my old apartment more. Certain features stood out, like the radiator. I loved that radiator—the heat it gave off was unbeatable, something that forced-air heating just can’t replicate.

In those last few months before I moved, I savored all the things I had previously taken for granted. I began to appreciate the advantages of living in a smaller space. Moving into a larger home means more cleaning, more places to put things, more areas to decorate—the list goes on. In my old one-bedroom apartment, I had to be creative with what I kept and how I used my space. It wasn’t until I moved that I realized the gift of having a smaller home. Before, I constantly complained about how tiny my closet was or how I didn’t have enough space for everything.

Being present in our lives helps us appreciate what we have. When we’re always thinking about wanting something bigger, better, or more, we need to take a step back and ask ourselves:

• How am I honoring what I currently have?

• How am I valuing and showing appreciation for the relationships I’m in?

• How am I taking care of myself right where I am?

• How am I celebrating the present?

One of the reasons we struggle with this is because we live in a culture of excess. More stuff, more things, more activities. We often don’t realize that what we already have is enough. I hope my husband isn’t reading this, but the other day I was thinking about buying yet another striped piece of clothing. I love blue and white stripes, and I feel like every shirt, every pant, every jumpsuit in that pattern is different. But when I show it to my husband, he’ll say, “Don’t you already have that?” So, one of the things I’ve started doing is taking inventory of my closet first. If I want a collared, sleeveless, striped shirt, I check what I already have. The other day, I was convinced I didn’t own a black-and-white-striped V-neck shirt, but sure enough, there it was, hanging in my closet. I had to delete that item from my cart.

We can get creative with what we have. If we don’t have a flathead screwdriver, maybe a butter knife will do the trick. It's important to take stock of 

--what is present that I can use

--what is present that I may be neglecting

I’m not saying we all need to become minimalists. There are definitely areas in my life where I’m a maximalist—eyeglasses and books, for instance. But so often, we see something someone else has and think we need it, when that’s not actually the case.

This also applies to our relationships. Instead of trying to change someone, we should consider, “What do I already have in this person?” Instead of trying to make our partner a night owl like us, maybe we can appreciate that we’re on different schedules—it allows each of us some valuable alone time.

We don’t always need something more or something different. Sometimes, we just need to appreciate what we already have.

spaces are limited

Journal Prompt

What about your life is working? How can you show up with more appreciation right where you are?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• How to Stop Straining Your Eyes, by Katie Mogg in The New York Times.

• Why do I Feel Sleepy on the Couch and Then Wide Awake in Bed?, by Lisa Strauss in The Washington Post. 

• Are You on a Relationship Escalator? Here’s How to Find Out., by Nick Roberts in The Washington Post.