This is such an important reminder that we don't have to live someone else's dream. We all have unique talents and passions, and it's up to us to discover and pursue them. Let's support each other in chasing our own dreams, no matter how big or small they may seem.
This is insightful….I think my parents wanted me to make the most of opportunities they felt they hadn’t had, which for me was a pressure to succeed academically. I spent most of my working life never quite sure what I wanted to be and it is in later life (I’m in my sixties) that I’m exploring who I want to be and feeling comfortable with that. Interestingly, my father very much followed his own path and was a gardener, which was a great disappointment to his mother who never quite let us forget it. His older brother became an accountant and much better off materially - clearly more socially acceptable!
Oh, this great read has just given me permission to be myself. I grew up with a mama that always had people popping in and out of our house with no appointment. I'm now an adult who insists people check with me before popping in and I value my time alone at home. This really sparked lots of memories and love it. Mama kept her eggs at room temperature and now in my house, I keep them in the refrigerator.
My two biggest hobbies/interests/passions until recently were horses and singing, both things my mum got me into as a child. Why? She had given up riding and singing in an internationally-touring choir to have kids. It wasn't until recently that I realised she was trying to life a continuation of her life through me.
I still enjoy both, but it's been interesting to see how I want to interact with both interests as I get older. I used to want to be a professional showjumper or the next Taylor Swift, now I'm training as a counsellor with the aim to do equine-assisted therapy and I enjoy singing at church, at home, and in local musicals.
Breaking away from my mother and becoming more of my 'own' person is one of the best things I ever did 😄
While I read this I remembered I wanted to be an English teacher. My mom encouraged me to major in business. “Teachers don’t make any money.” I did major in business. Worked in property management, mortgage banking, and real estate. Here I am back to my true love, writing. If I had only followed my own path, I wonder…💭
I’m living my dad’s dream. He was drafted into WW2 at age 17. He lived in Mississippi so he ran and hid in the woods for 6 months before the MPs found him. He wanted to graduate high school and go to college to study business. So getting drafted crushed his dreams; plus he was terrified of going to war at only 17. Back then I guess people didn’t enroll in college at all ages or return later in life the way we do now. He had to enroll immediately after high school or it’d never happen. Since it didn’t happen he became a stone mason and plumber after the war. He worked and made good money, but it just wasn’t his dream. He eventually pressured me into studying business and now I’m an accountant. So I guess neither one of us got to live a life of our choosing. On one hand I really like the money, but on the other hand it’s miserable. Now I’m afraid of changing careers because of time waste and wage loss since my dream job is financially risky.
Perfect timing! I Just talked to my therapist about this exact topic last Friday!! I learned that I had taken on limited beliefs about myself because of my family's projection of self and their responsibilities that they dumped on me that caused me low self esteem and perfectionism I felt like I lived a double life but they took over my life and I had no control over my own because I was taking care of adults as a child until now and I'll be 33 in 2 weeks. I had told myself I wanted to be a teacher as a kid ended up going in to Healthcare and Non-Profit- which i loved until i became disabled. Then i started taking UX Design( how apps are made) courses and other classes and i fell in love with education and helping others again and now I'm a Consulting Resource Advocate with a podcast ( because i love conversations!) for those who are low income, elderly, disabled, etc. And I just booked a contract with Charlotte Meck library to teach others how to fight injustices of denial to get the resources they need and it fills my love cup it's my passion. I've always been determined to beat to my own drum even when there no support. My mom nearly died when I told her I was moving to NJ, and Charlotte she still has an issue with my living in Charlotte but I don't care about her need of comfort because I care about my need for peace ,freedom, and happiness. She wants me to marry , but I'm happily single because it brings me joy. I've broken the generational curse that you follow thru on societal norms or pressures to marry by 18 and you need a man to care you, etc. I'm learning to love daily the little things about me and meeting the folks who bring out each portion of my personality that enhances my goals and happiness and stick to them and use that as supporting evidence and confidence to keep being comfortable with me not comparing myself and taking accountability for what I'm not doing in my life
"People will hand us their dreams because they’re too afraid to chase them themselves, but we do not have to pursue other people’s dreams". The absolute truth and so much more....
In my previous life, I was under pressure to pursue my parents' aspirations of becoming a doctor, but I realized halfway through my studies that this was not MY dream but rather theirs because they considered the profession as honorable and superior to their 9–5 jobs without an education. Now, in my new life, I have chosen what I truly love, and happiness is my best friend.
The title says it all, Have the courage to create the life you want to live and live it well, cold ketchup and all. Thanks Nedra!!
What brings me joy? What do I care about? Such important questions to ask ourselves if we are to break out of the belief systems of our parents, our peers, our culture. A lovely, short, thought provoking post to contemplate. Our society has changed beyond recognition in a generation. Our parents wished & hoped that we could achieve what wasn't possible for them, placing expectations on us that sometimes left us as wondering why our achievement felt like a strait jacket. What are the expectations that we are placing on our children, or is the absence of expectations leaving them vulnerable in a society which is information rich and attention poor. What brings me joy? What do I care about? These are the questions which help us navigate the complexity of modern life for both ourselves and our children.
For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be an artist with a camera. While my parents did not discourage me, they did not encourage me either. I was told that few artists make a good living and fewer still gain fame.
They were right about making money, I made 'enough' but not much more for most of my working life. I did however gain fame and recognition but that took a very long time.
Did you speak to your father about his words? He seems a man proud of his daughter, who has accomplished more than he thinks he could have...do you know his struggles raising a family?
I am proud of my children and sometimes live vicariously through their experiences. My youngest is a Doctor and teacher, with two additional Masters in Anthropology and Women's studies. Her research brings her annual trips to England, France and Europe. She is fiercely independent, wicked smart and has accomplished more that I could ever have.
So put your ketchup in the fridge if you want and celebrate parents who care enough to want better for you than they had!
This is such an important reminder that we don't have to live someone else's dream. We all have unique talents and passions, and it's up to us to discover and pursue them. Let's support each other in chasing our own dreams, no matter how big or small they may seem.
This is insightful….I think my parents wanted me to make the most of opportunities they felt they hadn’t had, which for me was a pressure to succeed academically. I spent most of my working life never quite sure what I wanted to be and it is in later life (I’m in my sixties) that I’m exploring who I want to be and feeling comfortable with that. Interestingly, my father very much followed his own path and was a gardener, which was a great disappointment to his mother who never quite let us forget it. His older brother became an accountant and much better off materially - clearly more socially acceptable!
I put my ketchup in the refrigerator as well! 🤎
Oh, this great read has just given me permission to be myself. I grew up with a mama that always had people popping in and out of our house with no appointment. I'm now an adult who insists people check with me before popping in and I value my time alone at home. This really sparked lots of memories and love it. Mama kept her eggs at room temperature and now in my house, I keep them in the refrigerator.
My two biggest hobbies/interests/passions until recently were horses and singing, both things my mum got me into as a child. Why? She had given up riding and singing in an internationally-touring choir to have kids. It wasn't until recently that I realised she was trying to life a continuation of her life through me.
I still enjoy both, but it's been interesting to see how I want to interact with both interests as I get older. I used to want to be a professional showjumper or the next Taylor Swift, now I'm training as a counsellor with the aim to do equine-assisted therapy and I enjoy singing at church, at home, and in local musicals.
Breaking away from my mother and becoming more of my 'own' person is one of the best things I ever did 😄
While I read this I remembered I wanted to be an English teacher. My mom encouraged me to major in business. “Teachers don’t make any money.” I did major in business. Worked in property management, mortgage banking, and real estate. Here I am back to my true love, writing. If I had only followed my own path, I wonder…💭
I’m living my dad’s dream. He was drafted into WW2 at age 17. He lived in Mississippi so he ran and hid in the woods for 6 months before the MPs found him. He wanted to graduate high school and go to college to study business. So getting drafted crushed his dreams; plus he was terrified of going to war at only 17. Back then I guess people didn’t enroll in college at all ages or return later in life the way we do now. He had to enroll immediately after high school or it’d never happen. Since it didn’t happen he became a stone mason and plumber after the war. He worked and made good money, but it just wasn’t his dream. He eventually pressured me into studying business and now I’m an accountant. So I guess neither one of us got to live a life of our choosing. On one hand I really like the money, but on the other hand it’s miserable. Now I’m afraid of changing careers because of time waste and wage loss since my dream job is financially risky.
Thank you, Nedra. This was beautiful and powerful and healing.
Great content.
Perfect timing! I Just talked to my therapist about this exact topic last Friday!! I learned that I had taken on limited beliefs about myself because of my family's projection of self and their responsibilities that they dumped on me that caused me low self esteem and perfectionism I felt like I lived a double life but they took over my life and I had no control over my own because I was taking care of adults as a child until now and I'll be 33 in 2 weeks. I had told myself I wanted to be a teacher as a kid ended up going in to Healthcare and Non-Profit- which i loved until i became disabled. Then i started taking UX Design( how apps are made) courses and other classes and i fell in love with education and helping others again and now I'm a Consulting Resource Advocate with a podcast ( because i love conversations!) for those who are low income, elderly, disabled, etc. And I just booked a contract with Charlotte Meck library to teach others how to fight injustices of denial to get the resources they need and it fills my love cup it's my passion. I've always been determined to beat to my own drum even when there no support. My mom nearly died when I told her I was moving to NJ, and Charlotte she still has an issue with my living in Charlotte but I don't care about her need of comfort because I care about my need for peace ,freedom, and happiness. She wants me to marry , but I'm happily single because it brings me joy. I've broken the generational curse that you follow thru on societal norms or pressures to marry by 18 and you need a man to care you, etc. I'm learning to love daily the little things about me and meeting the folks who bring out each portion of my personality that enhances my goals and happiness and stick to them and use that as supporting evidence and confidence to keep being comfortable with me not comparing myself and taking accountability for what I'm not doing in my life
"People will hand us their dreams because they’re too afraid to chase them themselves, but we do not have to pursue other people’s dreams". The absolute truth and so much more....
In my previous life, I was under pressure to pursue my parents' aspirations of becoming a doctor, but I realized halfway through my studies that this was not MY dream but rather theirs because they considered the profession as honorable and superior to their 9–5 jobs without an education. Now, in my new life, I have chosen what I truly love, and happiness is my best friend.
The title says it all, Have the courage to create the life you want to live and live it well, cold ketchup and all. Thanks Nedra!!
Love these questions to contemplate Nedra, thank you
This was so healing for me, Nedra! Anddd I too love cold ketchup on hot fries!!
You get it😍
What brings me joy? What do I care about? Such important questions to ask ourselves if we are to break out of the belief systems of our parents, our peers, our culture. A lovely, short, thought provoking post to contemplate. Our society has changed beyond recognition in a generation. Our parents wished & hoped that we could achieve what wasn't possible for them, placing expectations on us that sometimes left us as wondering why our achievement felt like a strait jacket. What are the expectations that we are placing on our children, or is the absence of expectations leaving them vulnerable in a society which is information rich and attention poor. What brings me joy? What do I care about? These are the questions which help us navigate the complexity of modern life for both ourselves and our children.
Thank you Nedra, You are spot on and we raise our children to be “successful” get good grades instead of exploring and taking risks.
The educational world needs to introduce internships and world experience into their curriculum.
thank you!
yours is an interesting story
For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be an artist with a camera. While my parents did not discourage me, they did not encourage me either. I was told that few artists make a good living and fewer still gain fame.
They were right about making money, I made 'enough' but not much more for most of my working life. I did however gain fame and recognition but that took a very long time.
Did you speak to your father about his words? He seems a man proud of his daughter, who has accomplished more than he thinks he could have...do you know his struggles raising a family?
I am proud of my children and sometimes live vicariously through their experiences. My youngest is a Doctor and teacher, with two additional Masters in Anthropology and Women's studies. Her research brings her annual trips to England, France and Europe. She is fiercely independent, wicked smart and has accomplished more that I could ever have.
So put your ketchup in the fridge if you want and celebrate parents who care enough to want better for you than they had!