Sometimes Being the Example Is Enough

Learning how to change without trying to change everyone around you

It gives me great pleasure to read a good book and then tell everyone around me that this book might as well be the Bible. There’s something about gaining new information that makes us want to share it, which I think is perfectly fine. However, we also have to learn to stop at sharing and not expect that we can (or should) change other people.

If we read a book about all the hidden fats in food, we can absolutely apply that information to our own lives, but that doesn’t mean we need to critique every bite of food the people around us put in their mouths.

What we read and learn may simply be for us. The people around us may not be ready, or even interested—whether it’s our new meditation practice, our latest diet, or a shift in mindset. That doesn’t mean we can’t talk about what we’re learning or how we’re growing. It just means we can do that without telling others they should do the same. If they’re curious or want to give it a try, guess what? They’ll ask questions.

I have a friend who’s amazing with money. She’s never once told me what I should do with my finances. But when I decided I needed a financial advisor, she was the first person I called. She didn’t pressure me—I came to her. Sometimes, simply being a living example is enough. We don’t have to convince or convict people. When they’re ready, they’ll seek us out, knowing we have the information they need.

When we discover something new, it’s understandable that we might get a little zealous—whether it’s a new religion, an opportunity, or even a daily routine that’s really working for us. But the best way to channel that excitement might be to:

• Write about it in our journal

• Talk about it with our therapist

• Find community with others who are also interested

People will give us cues if they want to hear more. I assume that if you’re reading this newsletter, you’re interested in this kind of content. And if you’re not? You’ve probably unsubscribed or stopped reading—and that’s totally fine.

When people ask us questions, that’s a clear sign they want to learn more. If your friend knows you’re on the Alchemist Diet (I just made that up), and they start asking you what you eat and how often, you can take that as a sign of curiosity. But if they’re not engaging at all? That’s probably your cue to find folks in The Alchemist community to talk to because that friend may not be your person when it comes to this topic.

Just because something changed our lives doesn’t mean it will change someone else’s. And even if it could, they still might not be interested and that’s okay. We don’t need to risk our relationships by trying to force change on other people.

Journal Prompt

• What is something you’ve learned recently that you’re excited about? How would you feel about keeping it to yourself?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• She’s Sober. He’s Not. Now What?, by Catherine Pearson in The New York Times. 

• Barbara Walters: Tell Me Everything. I'm in the midst of a documentary-watching season of life. I found the Barbara Walters documentary on Hulu to be an excellent examination of work/life balance. You can watch it here.

• Billy Joel: And So it Goes. You can see it here on HBOMax.