I've realized in my own personal work how perfectionism makes looking at my own mistakes difficult. It's so important to give ourselves the space, and grace, to take that honest look at ourselves for the sake of accountability.
"I am moving into a phase of my life where I am choosing to think about how I’m contributing to a situation first, before I consider anybody else’s part. I want to make sure that I recognize what I’m responsible for before telling somebody else what they need to be doing differently."
I absolutely love this statement Nedra and will definitely incorporate it into my mantra for 2023. Since COVID it has been so easy to place blame on everything and everyone because we haven't had to face anyone or be held accountable, but as things are returning to some form of normality, issues are hitting the fan and people are realizing, they need to take accountability for their ish because there is no one to blame now and for some this is hard, this piece speaks soo loudly and I love it!! Thank you!
"I am moving into a phase of my life where I am choosing to think about how I’m contributing to a situation first, before I consider anybody else’s part. I want to make sure that I recognize what I’m responsible for before telling somebody else what they need to be doing differently."
I love this statement and your intentions. This is something I want to be more mindful of as well. Thank you!
I've been doing this for quite a while now for her exact reasons. I have learned that when we do this, while we give time and space to others in our circle to adjust to this new behavior, there comes a time when I will recognize that they aren't reciprocating. After a while it feels like I can't trust them. And I can't. They will choose their fears over our relationship. I don't feel valued or respected.
A soul searching topic, with love 💕 written into the subject matter. Made my day “again”. Love is where you find it and I found it here in this well written blog. ALL THE BEST.
this part got me: “I am moving into a phase of my life where I am choosing to think about how I’m contributing to a situation first, before I consider anybody else’s part. I want to make sure that I recognize what I’m responsible for before telling somebody else what they need to be doing differently.” For me it reminds me of staying in situations I knew weren’t good for me and then when the situations got worse, and i finally left I pointing fingers when everything was shit from the get go. In this message of owning my mistakes, I also don’t want to gaslight myself.
Relationships have a component of cause and effect to them and when we don't look at how we may have caused a particular reaction, it's negligent on our part. Everything isn't your fault and some things are. When you want to avoid repeating the same issues in future relationships--be accountable.
"it reminds me of staying in situations I knew weren’t good for me and then when the situations got worse, and i finally left I pointing fingers when everything was shit from the get go"
I said this very thing to my partner yesterday. How you treat me is a me problem now because I am consciously allowing it at this point. Can't make no more excuses for your behavior or my tolerance. No one to point fingers at but myself.
I think I started doing this as I was trying to teach my clients the value of personal responsibility. Kind of a “practice what you preach” mentality. I can tell you that my willingness to accept responsibility in conflicts has deflated the tension and opened communication more times than not.
As a therapist, I once made a big misstep with one of my clients. By taking responsibility for my mistake, it saved the relationship and seemed to take it to a deeper level.
Yes this space can be a tender one but is so good for us to practice entering into. I appreciate your shifting into considering your own contribution to a situation before looking at someone else. That's soem delicious wisdom that any of us can pick up and start practicing today. Thank you, Nedra 💙
This article was very impactful. I often but not always try to offer others how my behavior or triggers may have negatively contributed to a situation. I am still a work in progress. I have started asking myself why do I feel offended or triggered, which has been beneficial and eye-opening at the same time. Any advice/suggestions you can offer on how to respond when triggered would be much appreciated.
This entry confirmed so much for me. Grateful to have read this piece. Thanks so much, Nedra. ❤️
WISDOM 101🙌👏 “If nothing is ever our fault,then there’s no room for us to improve.”
one finger points out 4 points back at you 🫠 be accountable at your doings. ♥️
I've realized in my own personal work how perfectionism makes looking at my own mistakes difficult. It's so important to give ourselves the space, and grace, to take that honest look at ourselves for the sake of accountability.
Integrity is one of my favorite words. Thank you for this!
Integrity by Martha Beck is a great book.
Ah! I’ve come across that a few times, but have yet to crack it open. Perhaps it’s time!
Thanks for the heads, sometimes it's good to get a reminder on how we treat others and ourselves.
"I am moving into a phase of my life where I am choosing to think about how I’m contributing to a situation first, before I consider anybody else’s part. I want to make sure that I recognize what I’m responsible for before telling somebody else what they need to be doing differently."
I absolutely love this statement Nedra and will definitely incorporate it into my mantra for 2023. Since COVID it has been so easy to place blame on everything and everyone because we haven't had to face anyone or be held accountable, but as things are returning to some form of normality, issues are hitting the fan and people are realizing, they need to take accountability for their ish because there is no one to blame now and for some this is hard, this piece speaks soo loudly and I love it!! Thank you!
Noticing what areas of your growth still need tending is part of our work. Sometimes situations introduce us to ourselves.
"I am moving into a phase of my life where I am choosing to think about how I’m contributing to a situation first, before I consider anybody else’s part. I want to make sure that I recognize what I’m responsible for before telling somebody else what they need to be doing differently."
I love this statement and your intentions. This is something I want to be more mindful of as well. Thank you!
I've been doing this for quite a while now for her exact reasons. I have learned that when we do this, while we give time and space to others in our circle to adjust to this new behavior, there comes a time when I will recognize that they aren't reciprocating. After a while it feels like I can't trust them. And I can't. They will choose their fears over our relationship. I don't feel valued or respected.
Love this!
A soul searching topic, with love 💕 written into the subject matter. Made my day “again”. Love is where you find it and I found it here in this well written blog. ALL THE BEST.
this part got me: “I am moving into a phase of my life where I am choosing to think about how I’m contributing to a situation first, before I consider anybody else’s part. I want to make sure that I recognize what I’m responsible for before telling somebody else what they need to be doing differently.” For me it reminds me of staying in situations I knew weren’t good for me and then when the situations got worse, and i finally left I pointing fingers when everything was shit from the get go. In this message of owning my mistakes, I also don’t want to gaslight myself.
Relationships have a component of cause and effect to them and when we don't look at how we may have caused a particular reaction, it's negligent on our part. Everything isn't your fault and some things are. When you want to avoid repeating the same issues in future relationships--be accountable.
Yes, I receive it! Thank you
"it reminds me of staying in situations I knew weren’t good for me and then when the situations got worse, and i finally left I pointing fingers when everything was shit from the get go"
I said this very thing to my partner yesterday. How you treat me is a me problem now because I am consciously allowing it at this point. Can't make no more excuses for your behavior or my tolerance. No one to point fingers at but myself.
I think I started doing this as I was trying to teach my clients the value of personal responsibility. Kind of a “practice what you preach” mentality. I can tell you that my willingness to accept responsibility in conflicts has deflated the tension and opened communication more times than not.
Kids learn from what they see, not what you say. Modeling is imperative.
As a therapist, I once made a big misstep with one of my clients. By taking responsibility for my mistake, it saved the relationship and seemed to take it to a deeper level.
Yes this space can be a tender one but is so good for us to practice entering into. I appreciate your shifting into considering your own contribution to a situation before looking at someone else. That's soem delicious wisdom that any of us can pick up and start practicing today. Thank you, Nedra 💙
This article was very impactful. I often but not always try to offer others how my behavior or triggers may have negatively contributed to a situation. I am still a work in progress. I have started asking myself why do I feel offended or triggered, which has been beneficial and eye-opening at the same time. Any advice/suggestions you can offer on how to respond when triggered would be much appreciated.