Keeping Our Relationships Fresh

How to make sure we don’t take the people in our lives for granted

When I had cable, it always felt like I was fighting for my civil right to be given the same rate as new customers. Cable companies had no loyalty policy. If you already had an account with them, they would keep your monthly rate at $200 while offering a new customer a promotional deal of $50. I felt like I deserved the discount too for being with the company for so long, but since I was an old customer they didn’t think I needed any incentives. 

I love services that reward loyalty. Lots of small businesses use this very model. They’ll send you, the returning customer, a discount code for 15% off just to say thank you for doing business with them, instead of giving all the good deals to only those who are new. I think this speaks to how important it is that we show people we’ve been in a relationship with for a while that we still appreciate them. 

butterfly bush

In any relationship, there is a honeymoon phase. When we first meet a new friend, we tell them all our best stories and use our best comedic bits. When we start dating someone, we may find out their favorite flower and then always buy it for them just to show we care. As the relationship progresses, though, we need to remember the energy we brought at the beginning of our relationship. It may not be sustainable to do all the time, but we do need to bring some of that zhuzh back into our older relationships. 

So, how do we continue to show the people we have been in relationships with for a while that we value them?

• Remember what originally drew you together. 

Is there a certain type of music you both used to enjoy listening to, or an activity you enjoyed doing together? How can you reincorporate some of those things into the relationship?

• Think about what you used to do early in the relationship.

Were you always dressed up when you went out together? Did you buy them flowers every week? What are ways you can make the other person feel special now?

• Keep listening.

In the beginning of a relationship, you may have felt like you could listen to your person all day. Are you still actively listening? Are you engaging with what they’re sharing with you?

• Make time.

You may not be able to give the people in your life the same amount of time you gave at the beginning of your relationship, but can you carve out more space for them in your life?

Our older relationships need attention just like our new ones. We need to remind ourselves of who we were at the beginning of our relationships and continue to show gratitude for the people who have remained in our lives. 

Journal Prompt

• What is something you usually do at the beginning of a relationship that you find hard to maintain when you’ve been with someone for a while? What makes that practice hard to continue?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections, by Anna Goldfarb. You can find this book on Amazon and Bookshop.

• Why You Should Want to Be Alone, by Arthur C. Brooks, in The Atlantic. 

• Should Parents Gas Each Other Up More?, by Kathryn Jezer-Morton, in The Cut.