It’s Not All or Nothing

Exploring the full range of possibilities inside our relationships

When we are responding to something that has happened within a relationship, sometimes we think there’s only an A or a B option when we have the whole alphabet available to us. If we are in a friend group and we’re feeling like, “I’m not really in a stage in my life where I want to be a part of his photography group anymore. Pickleball is calling,” we don’t have to completely abandon our photography friends. Maybe we only attend events with the photography group once a year from now on. Maybe there are a couple of people in the group that we want to maintain relationships with outside of photography. 

If there’s a cousin that we used to be particularly close with, but now we’re in different stages in our lives and we don’t talk as much. It may not mean our cousin needs to be completely out of our lives or that they’re terrible. It may just mean we don’t need to talk to them every day anymore. Relationships can transition. We can choose to show up differently. We need to be cognizant of all of our options and determine which options work best for us. 

We need to learn to manage the parts of the relationship we’re not interested in. Sometimes people can want to be in a relationship with us more than we want to be in a relationship with them. People may want more contact than we want. They may want to talk about things that we’re not interested in talking about. We don’t have to agree and we are not beholden to having a relationship on someone else’s terms. 

When we’re having a challenge in a relationship there are many ways to get relief. We can:

• Have a difficult conversation.

• Make some changes within ourselves to better withstand the relationship.

• Set boundaries for ourselves and this person.

• Pause the relationship.

• Reduce contact with the person.

• Leave the relationship.

The path we choose is dependent upon the situation. There isn’t one way that always works to respond to complicated relationship dynamics. 

Journal Prompt

What other options do you consider before ending a relationship?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• The Many Lives of Mama Love, by Lara Love Hardin. You can find the book on Amazon and Bookshop.

• How to Use Apps to Actually Make Friends, by Jamie Ducharme in Time. 

• How to Have a ‘Grown Up’ Relationship with a Sibling on the Life Kit podcast. You can listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you stream podcasts.