Everything Isn’t Meant to Last
Discerning which relationships have the potential for longevity
When we are committing to relationships, sometimes we aren’t thinking about the longevity of what we’re committing to. It’s hard to get into anything if we don’t have some future-level thinking that is focused on where the relationship is going and what the possibilities are. This is especially true when it comes to dating. If we marry someone because they’re fun in the present without thinking about how that will translate years down the line, that can create some conflict in the future.
We have to think about not just where we are currently but also where we want to be. So if we’re getting into a relationship with someone, we have to think about whether this is someone we want to be around for the moment, or whether we’re interested in a lifelong friendship. If we’re dating, we need to think about whether we’re just trying to have fun, or whether we’re looking for something more. We have to get clear about our intentions, and then allow those intentions to inform our decision-making and the ways we engage with people. We have to consider the longevity of the situation.
Not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime. Some people come into our lives for a day or a season, or we’ll have some relationships forever. We don’t have to have the same level of investment with every person we meet. It’s ok to make temporary connections. There are people I’ve met during a workshop or at the airport, and we have a great day together, and that’s the end of it. We don’t have to create longevity inside of every relationship.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to determine which relationships have the potential to last:
Do you have common interests? It’s hard to be in a relationship with someone when you don’t like or aren’t interested in any of the same things.
Are your common interests sustainable? Are the interests you share indicative of who you are, or who you are at this moment? If they aren’t based on who you actually are, then how do you sustain a relationship based on them?
Are there things about this person that have the potential to wear on you over time? You have to consider whether the person’s habits that are mildly annoying now, will become deal breakers after months and/or years.
Thinking long-term about the relationships we engage in can be a really good way to prevent significant issues from arising in the future.
Journal Prompts
What elements are necessary in a relationship in order for it to last?
What are your deal breakers in relationships?
Read
Undisputed Truth: My Autobiography, by Mike Tyson. This book was so good. I can’t believe I didn’t know about it sooner. It made me think about the idea that we think we have more time than we actually do. That’s my theory for why millionaires go broke, because in-the-moment living doesn’t allow space for the concept that things have to last. You can find the book on Amazon and Bookshop.
Loneliness is a Public Health Emergency. Here’s What Helps According to Experts, by Tara Law on Apple News.
Watch
This Is Us. I don’t know how this show manages to be consistently good, but they just finished the final season. If you feel like you haven’t cried in a while and you need a good cry, watch This Is Us. Pay attention to it. Don’t watch it while multitasking. Just sit there and be prepared to feel. It’s so good all the way through to the last episode. The breakdown of what it means to be human is undefeated on that show. You can watch it on Peacock and Hulu .
Have you ever made a connection that only lasted a day or a week? How did you determine that the relationship was not meant to go further? Tell me about it in the comments.
Disclaimer: I receive commissions for purchases made through links for Amazon and Bookshop.
Another insightful and right on time Nedra Nugget. The question you asked was How do you know a relationship was intended to be short lived? In a recent encounter, I was left with a strong sense that the interaction had completed its natural life cycle. There was no attempt on either of our parts to prolong the relationship. The difference in this situation is that I listened and accepted the reality. Nothing was wrong. No negativity. In thinking about this past encounter, it was refreshing.
You're a wonderful writer, Nedra! This topic deserves a good sit-down-and-think session. I appreciate the prompts. Michelle Obama said to Oprah, "Some people won't make the climb with you - they'll run out of oxygen." [Quoting from my alleged memory here.] This is so true. Some relationships are only for a season. We need to know our deal-breakers and be true to ourselves. Besides, we're in a relationship with ourselves, too. Thank you for this thoughtful article and the way you laid it out.