A friend I’ve kept for 20 years lives a state away from me. We stay in touch by sending a weekly video update. No pressure to respond in a certain timeframe, just a “hey here’s what’s going on this week” in a 1-3 minute video, whenever it’s convenient for us to send. It’s helped us stay connected in such a meaningful way ❤️
Really needed this today! Would love to know your thoughts, or if you’ve already written about it, on reconnecting with friends you lost touch with. It seems like such a hard gap to bridge, especially as introverts or general bad communicators 🥲
This was very important to read as lately I have been trying to figure out why I find it hard to keep in touch with people. I feel very heavy on using the phone for everything and I think I'm more of a physical conversation person. But I will work on it more, thank you Nedra 🤍.
i’d absolutely love to see a post related to motivating/coaching, especially for parents/kids. I find one of the hardest things about parenting is how hard to push and how equally hard It is sometimes to let things go. How to inspire our kids to try new things without forcing them? What kind of things can we say to them can help them feel a positive push instead of that you are punishing them.
This made me understand why I have such a hard time talking about the things that hurt me currently. It feels exactly like you reach some kind of invisible expiration date where you're not allowed to talk about it. It's like you reached your word count and every next word would be just repeating the same thing on a loop. I don't feel like people want to hear that.
However, it would be different if someone who knows the situation made sure to check in on me as well. That in itself already would feel like a warm hug.
I consider myself a good communicator, and this post has been a timely reminder to make sure that I don't put an expiration date on reaching out to friends and family who could benefit from a communication.
I enjoyed reading this reflection. I have very close friends who live in the same city as me, and I have kept in touch with them but noticed that they only reach out when they need something such as a sounding board, advice, etc. Through these experiences I learned to differentiate from keeping in touch and when people will connect only when they need you and I learned that keeping in touch for me looks different and that it will evolve depending on the dynamics. I now only keep in touch if it resonates with the dynamic of the relationship.
Again, this is so validating to read. My husband is from Colorado, and we live in Indiana, near my own family of origin. His family seldom keeps in touch. They are what we call "proximity people," because the effort invested in relationships is based on ease and nearness. It's sad, but I've always felt that when relationships are important to us and we value them, we will put in the hard work to keep in touch long-term, or in small but meaningful ways, like you said (photos, updates, etc.)
What I like to do for my loved ones both near and far is periodically send them a text that says, "Thinking of you today. Just checking in." Sometimes it's a follow up to something I know they are personally dealing with--a hurt or ongoing struggle or personal crisis or even just a major milestone event. It doesn't take much time, and I'm showing that I care and I'm here. If they choose to respond, I honor their stories and send them love and hearts or an emoji or meme or GIF.
Sometimes a short handwritten card means a lot, too, which takes about five minutes.
Truly, the ways we show our love do not have to be complicated.
I lived in a highly mobile, due to military commitment, community. Over the years I noticed that people would often have a big fight with a really good friend just before they were due to relocate.
It seemed like a defense mechanism against feeling separation pain.
A friend I’ve kept for 20 years lives a state away from me. We stay in touch by sending a weekly video update. No pressure to respond in a certain timeframe, just a “hey here’s what’s going on this week” in a 1-3 minute video, whenever it’s convenient for us to send. It’s helped us stay connected in such a meaningful way ❤️
Beautiful. Just loved it.
I recently contacted my close friend we both agreed we are going to do better keeping in touch. Life + family happens.
Really needed this today! Would love to know your thoughts, or if you’ve already written about it, on reconnecting with friends you lost touch with. It seems like such a hard gap to bridge, especially as introverts or general bad communicators 🥲
This was very important to read as lately I have been trying to figure out why I find it hard to keep in touch with people. I feel very heavy on using the phone for everything and I think I'm more of a physical conversation person. But I will work on it more, thank you Nedra 🤍.
i’d absolutely love to see a post related to motivating/coaching, especially for parents/kids. I find one of the hardest things about parenting is how hard to push and how equally hard It is sometimes to let things go. How to inspire our kids to try new things without forcing them? What kind of things can we say to them can help them feel a positive push instead of that you are punishing them.
Great advice as always! I love reading this newsletter on my way to work on Tuesdays
This made me understand why I have such a hard time talking about the things that hurt me currently. It feels exactly like you reach some kind of invisible expiration date where you're not allowed to talk about it. It's like you reached your word count and every next word would be just repeating the same thing on a loop. I don't feel like people want to hear that.
However, it would be different if someone who knows the situation made sure to check in on me as well. That in itself already would feel like a warm hug.
Hi Nedra,
Thank you for this. My mother’s mother also passed when she was in her late 30’s and as a child I remember her crying all the time…
I consider myself a good communicator, and this post has been a timely reminder to make sure that I don't put an expiration date on reaching out to friends and family who could benefit from a communication.
I enjoyed reading this reflection. I have very close friends who live in the same city as me, and I have kept in touch with them but noticed that they only reach out when they need something such as a sounding board, advice, etc. Through these experiences I learned to differentiate from keeping in touch and when people will connect only when they need you and I learned that keeping in touch for me looks different and that it will evolve depending on the dynamics. I now only keep in touch if it resonates with the dynamic of the relationship.
Nedra,
Again, this is so validating to read. My husband is from Colorado, and we live in Indiana, near my own family of origin. His family seldom keeps in touch. They are what we call "proximity people," because the effort invested in relationships is based on ease and nearness. It's sad, but I've always felt that when relationships are important to us and we value them, we will put in the hard work to keep in touch long-term, or in small but meaningful ways, like you said (photos, updates, etc.)
What I like to do for my loved ones both near and far is periodically send them a text that says, "Thinking of you today. Just checking in." Sometimes it's a follow up to something I know they are personally dealing with--a hurt or ongoing struggle or personal crisis or even just a major milestone event. It doesn't take much time, and I'm showing that I care and I'm here. If they choose to respond, I honor their stories and send them love and hearts or an emoji or meme or GIF.
Sometimes a short handwritten card means a lot, too, which takes about five minutes.
Truly, the ways we show our love do not have to be complicated.
I lived in a highly mobile, due to military commitment, community. Over the years I noticed that people would often have a big fight with a really good friend just before they were due to relocate.
It seemed like a defense mechanism against feeling separation pain.
Sounds about right. Goodbyes can be hard. Some avoid, some create chaos, and some say “goodbye” softly.