Unbusy Yourself

Prioritizing our mental health no matter how busy life gets

remember payphones? while standing there, strangers walked by sharing their nostalgic memories of the payphone…when life was slower

I am on burnout recovery right now. I’m doing a whole lot of nothing. I’m watching familiar TV. I’m not going after new work projects. I’m just being more relaxed. I think we sometimes forget that we can get burnt out on things we love doing too. 

I often drink this amazing chai tea from Dona. One day I was talking to a friend while I was making it, and she asked, “If you drink it every day, how is it special anymore?” And she was so right; drinking my chai had become like drinking water at that point. I was no longer excited about it. This is because sometimes, even when we really like things, we need to take a break from them. 

There are a lot of things I enjoy that I sometimes have to take a step back from. Some of those things are:

• My job. I like seeing clients. But I get burnt out from doing notes. 

• Media engagement. Talking to the media is fun, but if I do too many interviews or have too many conversations in a day, I end up with a headache. 

• Traveling for work. It is a really cool experience getting to go to all sorts of different places and meet new people, but when I have to be somewhere every single weekend of the month, I feel off balance. 

• Spending time with my friends. I love hanging out with my friends, but when I have too many invites it can be overwhelming. 

Doing too much, too often, no matter how much you love it, can create burn out. We need time to be with ourselves, sleep eight hours, just do nothing. Over time, being in constant motion becomes exhausting, and we can even find ourselves hating things we used to love. We end up at the opposite extreme because it feels like the only resolution to our feelings of overwhelm. 

We have to honor each moment in time. Some months or seasons may be a little busier. May, September, and October are those months for me. It’s important for us all to notice our busy seasons, and recognize when we just need to say no to things. It’s not a forever no, but it’s a no for now. 

There may be a time of year when someone close to us passed away, and if we’re super busy we won’t have time to sit with that grief. That might be a point in the year where we need to spend more time at home and only hang out with a select group of people. If you have a high-stress job, it might not be a good idea to go out with your friends during the week. Going out may need to be reserved for a Saturday. We have to figure out what works best for us.

I’m sure a lot of people observed that for the month of July I didn’t do any newsletters, and it wasn’t because I didn’t have new content. I have a backlog of newsletters, but I didn’t want to look at the comments, feel pressured to get something out, or proofread. I just wanted a month off. I needed to separate myself from the work for a little bit. We all need time like that. 

Here are some tricks I use for dealing with burnout. 

1. Notice when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Pay attention to when you have reached or may be reaching your limit. 

2. Don’t make any long-term decisions about a new problem. Sometimes when you’re burnt out, you may want to make huge decisions like quitting your job or ending a relationship, but leaving may not be the answer. If you are experiencing burnout, it may not be the job, or the friend, or whatever; it may be you, and you should wait to be in a better headspace before making any major decisions. 

3. Consider what you can do today to get some relief. If you continue to show up in the situation in the same way, you will feel that there is no other option than to escape. 

4. Advocate for yourself. This may be the hardest part. Continuous vigilance is required to let people know when you’ve reached your limit. 

If we think that going on vacation and returning to a hectic life is going to be a good solution to burnout, we will find ourselves sadly mistaken. Getting one itty-bitty bit of help with a huge ongoing project is not going to solve it either. We have to re-situate some of these things, sometimes indefinitely. 

Journal Prompts

• What do you need a break from?

• When are your “no” seasons?

Book News

Bring the kiddos! If you’re in Charlotte, NC, check out this event for What Makes You Happy?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• Here’s What Science Considers a Path to a Good Life, by Richard Sima, in The Washington Post.

• The Meaning of Your Past Isn’t Set in Stone, by Jordan Grumet M.D., in Psychology Today. 

• 5 Bad Habits That Make It Harder to Get Over a Breakup, by Jenna Ryu, in SELF. 

• The Good Wife. I wanted to watch something with a lot of episodes, and this show has seven seasons! You can watch it on Paramount Plus or wherever you stream shows.