The Problem With Constant Connection
How to be unavailable in a world that requires constant availability.
Our ability to communicate with one another has come a long way. You used to not be able to get a hold of someone unless you were able to see them face to face. Then came the mail delivery system, or maybe you could send a messenger. In more recent years it evolved to the telephone.
I remember one day I was at work, and I kept trying to call my mom, but the call wouldn’t go through. I kept getting a busy signal. Remember busy signals? I actually had to call the phone company to break through the line to get a hold of my mother. This is how it used to be!
If someone said they were coming to pick you up from work, you just had to stand outside of your job and trust they were coming. Once you left home, that was it. Ok, so you could use a payphone, but there wasn’t the constant availability that cell phones and social media now make possible.
The level of connection has evolved to a place where it is now stressful. We can text each other all day, every day, no matter whether we’re at home, on vacation, or at work. Thirty years ago the only way someone was calling you while you were at work was because there was an emergency.
It is so interesting that now, we feel like we should all be able to be connected to one another at all times. So how do we maintain relationships with one another in a way that doesn’t feel burdensome?
We have to learn to be comfortable with, and exist in a space where we accept that we will experience:
FOMO. We can not be in all the places all of the time. We are going to miss out on some things.
Not knowing everything. Constantly consuming information about others is not healthy, and it is impossible to stay up to date on everything.
Embracing hours of disconnection for ourselves and others. We have to set limitations around our interactions with others and determine what our boundaries are.
Waiting. I think waiting should be a new kind of meditation. People have a variety of things going on in their lives. Sometimes they don’t have a response for you yet. It is ok if they don’t respond to you immediately, and it is ok for you to do the same.
We have to put boundaries in place in our lives so that we aren’t always available, and accept that we can not connect with people all the time.
Journal Prompts
When are you unavailable? How did you come to carve out this space for yourself?
What expectations do you have around other people’s availability?
Read
Indistractible: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life, by Nir Eyal. You can find the book on Amazon.
Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World, by Cal Newport. You can find the book on Amazon and Bookshop.
Watch
Nurse Jackie. I am going back to watch this show because it reminds me of Euphoria, which I’m also currently watching. I feel like I want to do a comparison of the two shows. You can watch Nurse Jackie on Prime and Apple TV.
Listen
How to Break the Spell of Social Media on the How To! podcast. In this episode, Dr. David Greenfield shares strategies for how to unplug and be more present in real life. You can listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you stream podcasts.
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