Take the Time to Celebrate Yourself
How to be proud of ourselves in our adult lives
As adults it can be hard to remember who we were as children, but every now and again we catch a glimpse. When we see a four-year old so happy to have tied their shoes by themselves, or a two-year old beaming because they’ve identified the color of something, we are able to remember the joy these accomplishments brought us.
Remembering how far we’ve come is one of the therapeutic strategies I use with my clients. When they talk about something that is challenging for them, I remind them how hard it was to learn how to walk. Can you imagine learning to walk? When was the last time you saw a little toddler take their first steps, or even just find the balance to stand?
We have already done so many hard things and accomplished so much, but we forget because those things are easy for us now. It’s easy to walk. It’s easy to read. It’s easy to write our names. All of these things used to feel so complicated, but now we’ve mastered them. I remind myself of these accomplishments when I’m learning something new. It helps me to remember the patience I need to have with myself as I’m learning, and it affirms that I can get just as excited about it as I would have as a child. I can be proud of myself, and want other people to be proud of me too.
Some of us grew up in situations where we weren’t attended to or acknowledged when we did miraculous things for the first time because adults sometimes took our achievements for granted; learning our ABCs, identifying our numbers, and telling time. The people around us may have treated what we’d done like it was no big deal, but it was amazing.
To this day, if I listen to a podcast and learn two new things, I want to call five people and tell them about this new thing I now know. Do any of us really outgrow the desire to be acknowledged or do we just subdue it because we don’t think it’s cool or because we don’t think anyone will care? When we get accustomed to people not being in awe of the things we do, it can shut us down a bit, and keep us from trying. So, we’ve got to learn to be proud of our own selves.
Being proud of ourselves as adults may look different than what it looked like to be proud of ourselves as children.You can be proud of yourself for:
Letting go of your ex. Deciding that you won’t text or reach out to them anymore, even if it is a holiday or their birthday. Not responding to their messages when they come through because you recognize that is not a situation you want to go back to.
Choosing peace. Not being aggressive with someone who’s irritating you. Choosing not to argue.
Moving through uncomfortable situations. Not resisting challenges because you know the benefits on the other side of them.
Learning new things. Putting yourself out there and trying something you’ve never experienced before.
We may not still be learning to tie our shoes or identify our letters, but we do many amazing things everyday. I am amazed by people who make homemade ice cream. I’m amazed by people who can decorate cakes, grow plants, and braid hair.
We need to remember that everything we can do now used to be something we couldn’t do.
Journal Prompts
What have you done lately that you are proud of?
Do you struggle with being proud of yourself? If you do, why do you think that is?
What are you proud of others for doing?
Read
The Mundane Thrill of ‘Romanticizing Your Life’, by Christina Caron, in The New York Times.
‘Mom Brain’ Isn’t a Joke, by Julie Bogen in The Atlantic.
Watch
Candy is a show based on the life of Candy Montgomery, a housewife accused of murdering her best friend. The show explores the scenarios around why people in close relationships harm one another. You can watch it on Hulu.
How do you celebrate yourself? How do you let yourself know you’re proud of your accomplishments? Let me know in the comments!