Possible Over Probable

The importance of dreaming big and supporting big dreamers

Join me for a weekend in the Mountains at The Boundaries Retreat!

This retreat offers practical experience in setting boundaries across various areas, personal reflection on barriers that hinder advocating for oneself, and learning effective communication techniques. You will gain insights into managing troubling interactions, a holistic approach to mental well-being, and tangible tools for maintaining healthy boundaries.

The retreat will take place from October 18-20, 2024, at the Art of Living Retreat Center in Boone, NC.

I remember telling someone that I wanted to be one of the go-to people for mental health. When people thought of relationships or anxiety, I wanted them to think of me as a resource. It sounded wild, even to me. At the time, I was a therapist and did have a group practice, but, really, I was  just getting started. I had barely any followers on Instagram. I was getting maybe five likes on my posts. So I know that when I shared this big dream, it sounded impossible to some folks. 

Big Dream: become an author

I had people in my life who would say, “Oh, that’s nice,” kind of like how your grandma would react when you showed her a picture you made when you were five. She’d be all, “Oh baby, that is the best thing I’ve ever seen.” I got a lot of that grandmotherly support when I would share my dream with people. Some people were even flat-out honest and told me, “I don’t know about that,” and I get it. Based on where I was, they couldn’t see it. 

When I got to 10,000 followers, I said, “10,000 followers is a lot. When I get to 100,000 followers, I’m going to write a book.” I got to 100,000 followers maybe three days later, and the idea for Set Boundaries, Find Peace was born. When I set that goal, I hadn’t written anything close to a book. Everything I said back then sounded wild. I was like the kid who tells you they want to be an astronaut when they grow up, when nobody around them even knows an astronaut. 

I say this to say that when we have a desire to do something, it may sound completely out there to people—and that is normal. They’re not hatin’, they’re not trying to be mean, it’s just that we’re talking about something that is beyond what they think is possible. It may seem wild for a 17-year-old to say, “When I’m 22, I’m going to buy a house,” when they’re just a regular high school student and the opportunity to buy a house is only five short years away. It might seem wild to think that a person who is borrowing money from you has a goal of having $1,000 in their bank account. 

When we share our dreams with people, sometimes we get really upset with them because we feel like they’re not supporting us, but what we’re saying to them may be challenging what life has taught them to expect. Furthermore, we often don’t have anything we’ve done or been doing that proves we can achieve what we’re aspiring to. 

We have to recognize that our vision for ourselves:

• Isn’t always something other people can see

• Must be followed with effort

• Doesn’t have to be in alignment with the vision other people have for us

• Will require a lot of little steps in between where we are and where we’re trying to go

• Is ours to nurture 

• Doesn’t have to be supported by others for it to be a good idea

I went to a performing arts high school, and many people at my school were major talents. They were singers, dancers, and actors, and I thought to myself, those seem like hard fields to break into; I better go to college. But a lot of people I went to school with actually became successful artists. I have a classmate who’s on Broadway, but for me, that seemed like an impossible dream. 

Sometimes we are looking at the statistics of things, at the probability and not the possibility. We’re looking at 1 in 10 or 1 in 1,000. When we focus solely on probability rather than possibility, we end up giving up before we’ve even really started. When we have a dream, all we need to look at is, “Is it possible?” Period. Not how many people have done it, or have the potential to do it, but just “Is it possible?” We all have to start somewhere, and it costs us nothing to encourage one another’s dreams. We can hold on to what’s possible together. 

Journal Prompts

• What is a big dream you have? 

• What is a big dream of your own or someone else’s that you’ve watched come true?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• Our Favorite Relationship Advice of 2024, So Far, by Jancee Dunn and Catherine Pearson, in The New York Times.

• The Surprising Power of Texting a Friend, by Catherine Pearson, in The New York Times. 

• Episode 33: The B-Word: Mastering Boundaries with Nedra Tawwab on We Need To Talk on Darcy Sterling’s YouTube channel.