Is Imitation Really a Form of Flattery?
How to show appreciation and acknowledge our influences
Imitation without giving credit where credit is due is copycatting. When you are in a relationship with someone, and you go out and get the same haircut as them, but you haven’t complimented their hair, or given them a heads up that their new haircut inspired yours, that’s not flattery.
Sometimes when someone doesn’t pay us a compliment, there is something going on in their relationship with us that they’re not able or willing to speak to. One time I had on a denim jacket. The sleeves and the hood were made of jogging suit material but the rest of it was denim. I really liked that jacket. I had it on and I was out with someone, and they hadn’t said anything about my jacket, but then they saw it on someone else and said, “Their jacket is so cute!” I could have passed out. I was confused about why they hadn’t paid me that same compliment.
Another thing some of us do is compliment folks indirectly. We tell other people how we feel about someone doing something, but we don’t tell them ourselves. We issue secret compliments but for whatever reason, we don’t share how we feel with the person.
Envy, jealousy, some level of pride, or even just an inability to extend a compliment can get in the way of us acknowledging people. But, if we want to be in healthy relationships, we have to find ways to move past that and compliment people without feeling like the compliment compromises us in some way.
When we see someone with a new job, why not say “I’m so proud of you.” Or if we like someone’s outfit, why not tell them. A compliment is such a beautiful thing. There is something about saying to someone, “You did this and it was so inspiring, and I want to do it too,” or “That looks so nice on you.” It doesn’t diminish you in any way and it can brighten the day of the person receiving it.
If you are in a relationship with someone and there is something you want to do or try or something about the person that you admire, don’t just go copy them, talk to them about it. We’d be in a better space in our relationships if we complimented and gave each other credit for the inspiration we provide to one another.
Journal Prompts
Have you ever imitated someone without giving them credit? What stood in the way of you acknowledging their influence?
Do you withhold compliments? If you do, why?
Read
Finding Me, by Viola Davis. This was amazing. The book really provides an understanding of what shame feels like when you grow up in poverty with family trauma and dysfunction. Viola is very transparent about how shame impacted her life from childhood to adulthood. This is a topic we don’t speak about enough. Not having the proper clothes, not being able to bathe, those sorts of things have a lasting impact on who you think you are and those things are 100% outside of your control as a child. You can find the book on Amazon and Bookshop.
Watch
Oprah and Viola: A Netflix Special Event. If you are wondering if you should read Finding Me, I would suggest you watch this special interview. It will make you want to buy the book, trust me. You can watch it on Netflix.
Ozark. I loved the way this show ended and I won’t spoil it for you. I am a huge Jason Bateman fan. I love his dry humor. You can watch it on Netflix.
Is it easy for you to extend compliments? Is it challenging for you to receive compliments? Tell me about it in the comments below.
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