Doing Too Much

The importance of prioritizing tasks and leaving some things undone

from my recent hike at Catawba Falls

There is always something else we can do, and we can feel the urge to try to do it all, but the fact is we can’t. If you are responsible, hardworking, and productive, you will likely die with a to-do list. I’m going to be 89, or 99, or whatever age it’s going to be, and there will still be items on that list when I go. Maybe it’ll say pick peaches off your tree, or water the garden, or send the neighbor a birthday card, but there will be something.

Very often I have to make the decision to stop, even when I’m not done. I’ve been an entrepreneur for almost twenty years now, and a lot of the work can be done around the clock. It’s flexible, but there’s always something to do, whether that’s redoing my website, or taking notes for my clients, or working on a new project. I could be up at 1am proofreading something, so I have to decide what my work hours are.

I recognized a few weeks ago that I was overappointed. I looked at my calendar and was having to jump through so many hoops to fit everything in. In the middle of that process I realized, “I don’t want to do anything else this week.” So, I started canceling things to give myself some space.

It is a myth when we tell ourselves that if we just get this next thing done there will be no more left to do. To-do lists are like laundry. As long as we’re wearing clothes, there will be laundry to do. If we like our houses to be clean, there is no way to get to the bottom of sweeping or mopping the floor. If there is a monthly report that we have to submit, there is no real completion of that task. Some things are forever, so we have to make our own breaks.

When I was a kid I wanted to be a grown up so bad, and I do still appreciate it, but I didn’t realize the number of tasks required when you are an adult. I had my car repaired today, and the repair person told me I need two new tires. So now I have two things I’ve got to do, 1. call Discount Tires to order the tires, and 2. also go in for the appointment to have the tires changed. I went from one appointment to three. This is adulting.

When we say yes to a birthday party, now we also have to get a gift and a card. When we buy a new plant, now we have to water this joker and clip the leaves. Everything that we do adds a task to the list, but there are ways for us to minimize our tasks and find ways to be more efficient so we don’t have to do so many things so often.

I have Watering Wednesdays. The alliteration helps me to remember to water all my plants each week. During my birthday month I do all my medical appointments: mammogram, physical, etc. I keep this schedule so I’m not worried about when it’s going to happen throughout the rest of the year. We each need to figure out what we can do to make our lives a little easier.

Here are some tricks I use to bring some ease into my life:

• I have an obscene amount of candles. 1. Because people gift them to me, and 2. Because if it smells good I must buy it. So, lots of times, if someone has a birthday or some kind of event, guess what gift they’re getting from me? A candle.

• I have a drawer full of cards for all occasions, most of them made by independent artists. If I find an artist who makes cards, I buy at least five. I have graduation cards, adult birthday cards, kid birthday cards, thinking of you cards. I even have special cards for the school bus driver.

• When I’m shopping sometimes, I like to get little knick knacks that would be a nice addition to a basket. So, when I need to pull something together, I already have the supplies I need.

• I schedule all health appointments for myself and my children at the same time of year.

• I used to have a huge water bottle that had all the hours of the day marked on it to help me remember to drink water.

• I make a thorough list before I go to the grocery store so I don’t have to make repeat trips, and I stock up on items I frequently use.

• When I was really into paper planners, a few friends and I would get together and have a planner party. It was helpful to go through our schedules together. There were things they noticed that I didn’t, and tips we were able to offer one another.

• I draw things out. If I’m supposed to get a cleaning at the dentist every six months, I might push it to seven to free up some space on my calendar. If I usually get a pedicure every two weeks I might push it to three to give me one less thing to do.

Adulthood is a never ending list of tasks and it is up to each of us to figure out what systems can help to streamline those tasks. It is also up to us to decide when to just stop so that we have time to be still and do things like:

• Sit down and watch wonderful TV shows

• Go hang out with our friends

• Go to the skating rink

• Take a vacation

• Climb a mountain

There is so much we can do with our lives. If we get lost in the minutiae of mopping the floors and folding the laundry, we will miss out on living.

Journal Prompt

• How can you make adulting easier for yourself? What is one task you don’t need to complete today?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• The Pain of Sibling Breakups, by Catherine Pearson, in The New York Times.

• Why We Get in Our Own Way and What to Do About It, by Robyne Hanley-Dafoe Ed.D., in Psychology Today.

• My Friend Cut Me Off. How Can I Get Them to Forgive Me?, by Miriam Kirmayer, PhD, in SELF.