Are You Hard to Talk To?

If you’re feeling out of the loop, this may be why

Photo by Max Kleinen on Unsplash

Human beings are intuitive by nature. We can tell when we feel safe with another person. Likewise, we can sense when something feels off. Our intuition tells us who we can share with and who we can’t. We may not even be able to articulate why we find someone hard to talk to, but our intuition is clear. 

People are hard to talk to when:

• They don’t listen 

• They don’t create space for the other person to express themself

• They take over the conversation and make everything about them

• They diminish what the other person is going through

• They don’t exercise emotional boundaries

We have to allow space for people outside of ourselves to exist inside of our relationships. People want reciprocity in their communication. We all want to be able to share and to be shared with. The only relationship that shouldn’t be like that is the relationship that takes place in a therapeutic setting. Even as a therapist, when I am in a social setting, I want there to be give and take in my interactions, otherwise it feels too much like work.

If you notice that people aren’t sharing with you, consider whether they may find you hard to talk to. If you think that maybe the case, in your next interaction try:

• Being open

• Listening without interrupting or interjecting

• Refraining from passing judgment

• Giving them space to tell you how they feel, rather than telling them what to feel

It is ok to relate to people through narrative and shared experiences, but we have to learn to discern when that is appropriate, and do so in a way that doesn’t dominate the conversation. It is ok to offer advice, as long as that advice was requested, and we are able to deliver it in a way that doesn’t come across as an admonishment. 

Journal Prompts

Do you have someone in your life that you find it difficult to talk to? What about your interactions has made you feel this way?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• When Everything Is Heavy a Touch of Humor Can Help, by Carolyn Todd in The New York Times.

• The Duality of Diva with Mariah Carey on the Archetypes podcast hosted by Meghan Markle. You can listen to this episode on Spotify.  

• Black Panther: Wakanda Forever in theaters now 

• My website has a new look, check it out.