Are We Actually Trying to Feel Better?

The power of choosing to do things that make us feel good.

I’ve been reading a book called Shift: Managing Your Emotions—So They Don’t Manage You by Ethan Kross. Early in the book, he raises an intriguing question: Are we actually doing things that make us feel good, or are we sulking and choosing not to improve our mood? For example, if I’m in a bad mood and I know that getting up, washing up, and getting dressed will make me feel a little better, am I willing to do those things? If I recognize I’m in a funk after having a conversation with someone and know a certain scent or song could brighten my mood, am I choosing to engage in those uplifting activities?

Of course, sometimes feeling better is beyond our control—especially if we’re dealing with mental health challenges like depression or anxiety. In those cases, certain mood-boosting activities may feel out of reach. But outside of those situations, are we making the small, intentional choices that could help us feel better?

Sometimes, the things that improve our mood seem cheesy—and honestly, they probably are! Saying, “Hold on a second, I need to put my hand on my heart to connect with my body and understand how I’m feeling,” might feel awkward or weird. But who cares, if it works? If someone tells you, “Every day I go outside for ten minutes and stare at the sky,” you might think that’s strange. You might even wonder, “Who does that?” I’ll tell you who: people who want to feel good. If it takes a little weirdness to boost our mood, then I’m all for being weird.

I once partnered with Pandora to take over their Happy Radio station, and it got me thinking about how often we intentionally consume things that lift our spirits. If we’re already in a bad mood, watching certain shows or doom scrolling on our phones might not be the best choice. We need to create better options for ourselves.

One useful practice is making a list of what’s been bothering us and identifying small steps we can take to address those issues. For instance, if I’m feeling disconnected from people, I can brainstorm ways to feel more connected. Maybe I can call a friend every other day. Maybe I can take a walk through my neighborhood and stop to chat with my neighbors. Often, feeling better starts with doing something about the things making us feel bad. Sulking is not the answer.

So, what are some ways we can shift our mood? Here are a few ideas:

• Go outside and hug a tree.

• Care for your plants.

• Call a friend.

• Spend an hour with someone you love.

• Color outside in public.

• Walk barefoot outdoors.

• Carry a bell and ring it to feel more present.

Don’t worry about what other people might think. Some people go through life avoiding things they enjoy because they’re afraid of how others will perceive them. But who cares? Why should we follow rules about how to show up that, frankly, suck and drain the joy out of living?

If it makes you happy, embrace the weirdness. Do it. Live a little.

Journal Prompt

What are three small things that instantly brighten your mood?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone, by Angela Haupt in TIME. 

• Is It Bad to Never Fight in a Relationship? We Asked Experts for Their Honest Thoughts, by Jenna Ryu in SELF. 

• The Easiest Way to Keep Your Friends, by Serena Dai on MSN. 

• Paradise. Ever since watching This Is Us, Sterling K. Brown has held a special place in my heart. His new show, Paradise, immediately drew me in with its compelling blend of emotion and crime drama. You can watch it on Hulu. 

• Back in Action. Call me basic, but I can’t resist a movie where someone’s ordinary life is upended by their secret past as an assassin, spy, or something just as thrilling. Back in Action is a fun, entertaining ride—you’re sure to laugh. Very cute! You can watch it on Netflix.