Absence Does Make the Heart Grow Fonder

Giving yourself space to miss things can be healthy

In October I traveled three weekends in a row and I deeply missed my family. Coming back to them felt really special. It reminded me that when we are away from the people and stuff we love, it makes us better appreciate our experiences with them when we are able to have them. 

my chai line-up

It can feel good not to give ourselves what we want all the time. I have this chai that I really love. I was telling a friend I have a glass every day, and she told me, “You can’t savor it that way. You’re not giving yourself a chance to miss it,” and she was right. I have since cut back on drinking the tea and now when I have it, it’s a different experience. I’m intentionally drinking it slowly, and I enjoy it more. 

We need breaks from the people and things that we love, and that’s not a bad thing. This applies to partners, parents, children, friends, and even favorite foods. Taking breaks allows us to:

• Approach things, people, and situations with a fresh and renewed perspective.

• Rejuvenate. Sometimes we need time away to replenish ourselves.

• Have a deeper appreciation and adoration for what we’re missing.

• Remember to savor our time and experiences and not waste the opportunities available to us. 

Time is precious, but sometimes when we have a lot of time with something we don’t value it as much. When we have a friend that we only get to see for a couple of hours over dinner, we are locked in. They have our full attention. On the flip side, if we’re with a friend that we see everyday, we may be on our phone, checking email, halfway listening to what they’re saying. 

I think about how present I am when I am with a loved one who is dying. I feel like I can just sit at their bedside and stare into their eyes for days because I know our time together is limited. If they had two more years to live or twenty, my level of attention would shift. Endless or seemingly endless accessibility can prompt us to take things for granted. 

There imething about stepping away from something that gives us a greater feeling of appreciation. 

Journal Prompt

• What are you taking for granted?

• What do you need to show more appreciation for?

• What do you need to take a break from so you can remember how much you love it?

A Few Things That Caught My Attention This Week

• Yellowface, by R.F. Kuang. I just read this and it was such a good book. It’s about how we try to exist in this rat race to success and what we’ll do to get there. It also explores how envy shows up in our relationships with people.  You can find it on Amazon and Bookshop.

• Milli Vanilli. When I watch movies about events that happened during my childhood, it is wild to get the back story, because when you’re a kid, you don’t always know what’s going on. I heard the rumblings about them not really singing their songs, but I wasn’t following the news about it. I didn’t even know they were French until I watched this movie. It’s a good biopic. It’s so interesting to watch things from a different perspective. You can watch it on Paramount+.

• When a Man Loves a Woman. I love rewatching old movies. I watched this one recently. It’s a wonderful movie for people who have a loved one with some addiction challenges. You see how addiction impacts other people like their children and partners. I saw this for the first time in my childhood (I watched whatever I wanted when I was a kid), and then I saw it in grad school as part of a class. Every time I watch it, even now, I see it differently. You can watch it on Disney+.